My sleep is still missed up. My skin seems to be getting more and more sensitive to everything as time goes by. the main thing is my sleeping is all missed up. about half the day is various degrees of miserable since I'm either half asleep and the body refuses to go to sleep, I've no idea why, maybe the shift, or it wavers between mostly sleep to a bit asleep. the only time this can sometimes pass is evenings, & that is no guarantee.
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I did the 4th radiance: self exciting course guided meditation, figuring since this body refuses to go to sleep may as well get in some meditation. I did it for the 1st time today and it went pretty miserable for most of the meditation. after about half way or less it was like the skin of this body found everything to be an irritant, eve the very air. Towards the end I had the same energy whatever and had to give both legs a slight jerk every 20 - 30 seconds and I could feel whatever energy coursing and rushing through my body. I couldn't even really feel the Fullonia or any light. the only positive thing I got was briefly when I could feel the light I was radiating, it felt like it was larger then this universe, like I'm outside all universes all space & time. Not sure what I mean. The experience and my trance was feeble light so I didn't get much of anything, overall except for a brief period where the meditation was sorta ok, the rest of it was either not very good or a bit miserable. I hope the next one goes better.
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I did it for the 2nd time today. I'm still at best half awake so not sure if it'll go well or not but figured since this body refuses to go to sleep though I'm half awake i may as well try to do the meditation. my days of mostly varying degrees of being miserable being half awake, only 4-6 hours in the evening am I not miserable, and sometimes for a bit in the late afternoon. I do hope either whatever is causing this passes, or my exit point comes and I go to the other side since I doubt there I'd be half awake most of the time.
overall another mediocre meditation at best. Not Daben's fault, it's just that I was half sleep the whole time and it was pretty miserable. I was able to feel the solar light as well as the light of the fullonia & that the light body cocoon feels like it should be at least the size of this universe. though being only half awake I'm not sure, also had the feeling some others wanted to talk to me during it so I'll put that into the chanenling thread and post it with this, or just after it.
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