Feels like another sleepless night. I thought that Dreamcatcher hemi-sync was good since it seems to have been semi working, but it's not been working for about the past almost 12 hours. Maybe it's a come and go thing or something or there is some other reason.
Think since i can't sleep I'll do some web surfing then try the Gateway thing, but this time I may try the Focus 10 which is the 2nd audio for wave 1 of Gateway. I was going to wait till Friday but I figured since I can't sleep and I've been doing the 1st audio for 5 days & I can't sleep, why not give the 2nd audio that is Focus 10 a try. Can't hurt.
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hmm, wonder if I should save up and buy a usb mic, then I can use some of my spending or savings to pay for a channeler to ask them some questions. I am in need of guidance. and I am unable to channel at present. That may change in the future. but as of right now I am unable to.
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Though I do have fun here at times, I do also feel lonely at times. and most of me really doesn't want to be here. Not that I hate being here, just I don't like it here. it feels so restrictive, limiting, a sadness all around, and I'm sad being here. unable to ... well I'll stop here. Not negative just thought I'd write down some of my feelings I am feeling at this moment.
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Let's do the focus 10 and see what happens. it went sorta ok. I talked to a part of me that feels like I do. it and I just don't want to be here. It feels, well felt since we talked it's sadness went away, well most of it. it's sad on still being here and just doesn't want to be here on the earth. I don't either, so in that we're in agreement. it feels as limited, constrained as I do and it greatly wants to be on the other side, where the vastness will be available to us both. In that I do agree. Not that we can do anything about it, which it did agree to. We both wish we were on the other side instead of here. Though we do have some fun on earth, we just don't want to be here.
I got pretty relaxed but wasn't in the body asleep mind awake state. maybe that takes a great deal of time. I felt some odd feelings in both of my knees, which happens, not to bad but distracting. after being in the focus 10 for a while I slipped out of it and back into just being a bit relaxed. So not sure how to classify this experience. I'll go ahead and say sorta ok since I'm not sure.
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Went to the grocery store today. Everything went super. I didn't have to wait very long at all. Hit everything perfectly well.
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only slept 4.5 hours so far. I should take a nap soon. Got a feeling or memory piece that maybe before some part of me came here some guide or other being said that I'd not like it here, not one bit. I'd find it very annoying indeed since I'm not use to anything like it is here. Not sure if it is true or imaginary.
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The person that was an online friend of mine is well I'll no go there. But part of it is I do feel that her viewpoint and thinking are totally different then mine. She sees the fact I don't want to be here as being very negative. when it's not. I don't hate being here, it's just that I don't like being here, even deep down. My guess is it's due to I normally don't come anywhere near as dense of a place as earth is. maybe I don't go down past 4th dimension or maybe not past 5th dimension. and not liking being here, even deep down, is not a negative thing. it's like a human say sent to the middle east or who goes there for this specific reason, but just doesn't like being there. The weather, temperature, desert air, the way some of the people are, ect. But he's there to do 1 thing, then once that is done, as soon as he can, he's out and going back home. That is not negativity. Some who enjoy being here or enjoy the idea of hanging around for several incarnations to help other folks & light workers and the shift as part of phase 2 have a totally different outlook and feeling to us phase 1 folks who are here for 1 thing, then we're out. We're not here for the long haul over a number of incarnations to do several things. Those are 2 totally different viewpoints and I can see how the wave 2 folks would see the viewpoint of the wave 1 folks as negative the fact they just don't like being here even deep down. Since they really don't understand the wave 1 viewpoint, likely since they never have done that sort of thing before.
I do have a feeling that she and I don't get along to well on the other side, not that we hate each other or are mad, just we really don't get along and don't talk except when needed for specific reasons, Which is fine since not everyone will get along with everyone else.
and deep down I really don't like being here. there are fun times I have yes, but all the limitations and such. and that is not negativity since I'm part of wave 1, in to anchor the energies then out as soon as everything checks off which being earth means things will be much more complicated as to when I can have an exit point and go. it may cause sadness and what some may perceive as depression, but that is part of not being native to here and not being here for the long term like the wave 2 folks who will likely be here for several incarnations or perhaps for the entire shift, unlike us wave 1 folks who are here for 1 mission, 1 incarnation, then we're out of here.
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I did the short version of the hemi-sync chakra meditation thing. Felt it went pretty well. I differently felt most or all of my chakras spinning. I think I figured out what the resonating type feeling in my legs were, it was at least in part the negativity energy and such flowing into the Earth. maybe in small amounts, but the long and short versions of the mediation had it flow more so I could feel an increase. There may be more blocks, negativity left since I've only done the long one yesterday and the short one today, but it feels like it's better. Not sure if there is a lot left. I think for the rest of this month and all of November I"ll do the long version a few times a week and the short version a few times a week. Then starting in December I may cut back to just doing the short version once or a few times a week.
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I had fun. there was a stream but I only half watched it since it was of marginal interest. Think I found the 2 google group chat places that I've been on may be fun to continue to chat on.
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I've one some chakra clearing and do feel better. think I'll continue to do this. maybe listen to the hour long one a few times a week and the short 2? minute one a few times a week. if I feel ok by say mid november I may cut back to doing the long one once a month and the shorter ones a few times a week.
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feeling a bit lonely. I think that is I've stopped channeling. Wasn't sure if what I was getting was clear, distorted or not. Want to wait till I am sure I've been clear most of the day for a few days. Maybe till I get half way done with the wave 1. I'll decide then. No hurry. part of it also is I'm still here on earth.
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I found some places that have free reiki attunements, 1 with basic reiki, some with all sorts of different types. and they have manuals. Think I may start to study this as a side thing. and I may try the tapping thing, the EFT, to help clear myself and keep myself clear. can't hurt. Emotional freedom techniques I'll do daily and try for a few weeks to see if it works. 1 person I met a few times suggested youtube videos by Brad Yates so I'll focus on those. I figure at the very least the positive affirmations and relaxing will do me some good.
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I may get back into Sahaja yoga meditation since it may help and it is free to go to, I may learn and if I go say once or a few times a month I'd meet some folks, though they scatter once the class ends, better then nothing. I can be on the lookout for other things to try to make some friends in rl. It'll take time. I do hope it works out.
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I'm feeling lonely, maybe a sign I'm clear enough to try channeling a bit again tomorrow. i do hope the gateway will help me to get a better connection. but time will tell.
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Even if I found the perfect friends, most of me still wouldn't like being here on Earth. Yes it can be fun at times. but it is so restrictive, so limiting. I feel deep down I miss my freedom. Maybe a sign i don't normally come to places this dense. I'm sure I'll find out sooner or later. I can also feel an excitement that I will one day be back home. No idea when, but it'll happen one day.
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