I awoke this morning feeling exhausted. No idea why. Lately that is not uncommon.
I do still wish I knew who and what I am, how developed I am at the soul level and how I can help that along and help ensure this is my last incarnation. Since really the very thought of incarnating has me feeling ick. Like not only am I dead tired of incarnating, but the very idea is starting to disgust me really. No idea why.
Also no idea why I feel such a strong connection to orcas, dolphins, western & eastern dragons, reptilian nagas, unicorns and pegasii. Perhaps not all the same level of connection or attraction. and why do i feel this at all?
Lots of things I wonder and no way to find out till after this .... incarnation is over, however long that is. I do hope this is my last and I dont' live past my mid 50's, which i really don't want to, in fact i'd rather just go right no this second.
I also seem much more thirsty lately then before, again no idea why and no way for me to know any of this stuff.
Who and what am I? How developed is my soul? Is there any way to ensure this is my last incarnation? how long will I have to be in this incarnation & that I'll never incarnate again? why do I feel an attraction/connection to the types of beings I mentioned before? why have I been more thirsty lately and often wake up exhausted, or tired?
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The very idea of incarnating I do find it a disgusting idea, one I really dislike for myself. if others want to incarnate that should be their freedom to choose. I find I personally really dislike it for myself and find the idea of me incarnating as disgusting, ick, sort of thing. I still wonder what I've posted previous and have no way to find out that I can think of.
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tried to take a nap. didn't get to sleep so after an hour I just gave up. felt some beings, likely nefarious ones, doing energy work on me the whole time, likely to ensure I am trapped in this hellworld. I really do hate being here. at least now I feel merely tired and not exhausted, so that is a plus. hard to breath just through my nose so have to breath through my mouth since my nose membranes are swelled up for some reason. I guess just cause they feel like it. god this is a miserable hellworld. these problems, eyes that don't really work to well, the entire world is to bright, to loud, bad vibes in many places, hard to breath at times. No sane person would come here willingly. I wonder who the torturer is who imprisoned everyone here is. I REALLY HATE IT HERE, I REALLY DO. and the all caps were done on purpose.
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started doing the last meditation of part 4. the bitch Orin didn't give enough time for me to run the energies when the asshole said she was going to. that bitch is always in to much of a hurry. I'll have to run the energies then listen to the audio when I'm done. what a fucking bitch. You'd think a non incarnated being would no be in that much of a fucking hurry. especially when the fucking god damn guided mediation is 38 minutes long. not like the bitch has to be in a hurry.
Seriously, someone should sit her down, force her to listen to daben running the energies with a stop watch in hand and when Daben stops stop the stop watch then she'd know how much at minimum to give. Again you'd think a non incarnate would not be in that much of a hurry.
I did run the energies but it took 15 minutes and was only barely successful. One I started some beings, no idea who, started interfering, doing some energy work on me also, at the same time. interfering, had to pause a lot to breath through my mouth quickly since for some reason, likely their doing, I really can't breath much even through my mouth while I was trying to run teh energies, but i did success despite their interference, whoever they where. Though it was just berly. also felt like i had a horn or something attached to my forehead, can still feel it to an extent, likely something they attached to help keep me imprisoned in this hellworld. Likely forever incarnating.
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I did the last guided meditation of part 4. I do emotionally an mentally feel better but I feel more tired then when i started it. i did feel constant energy work, likely interference from some sort of nefarious beings to interfere. I didn't see anything but the usual when I close my eyes, a dim sort of light in the background with billions of splotches and dots of light in front of that. so maybe 2-3 layers of that, hard to describe.
Didn't see any of the stuff Orin was describing, but at least once we got to the meditation proper she was in no hurry then. I felt some faint energy stuff. nothing of the dna being activated, being filled with light, evolving, cells evolving. i didn't feel any of that nor my sub personalities being filled with light and being absorbed into my soul. nothing of being connected through soul and going higher to soul all the way to source itself. nothing of being connected to and joining higher mind that is source. I didn't feel any of that.
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I really do hate being here in this hellword prison. why am I confined here against my will? I do wonder that.
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I do wish walk outs and walk ins were possible since I do want to be a walk out. I really dislike being here & do not like it at all. Whoever said we are here by our own free will is a big lier. I do NOT want to be here in this hellworld at all. No idea why those people lie and say we are all here by our own free will when I know I'm NOT.
What person in their right mind would come here? I know I never would come here to this hellworld.
Gods I hate being here. With no way to get any real true information.
I do wish there was some way to get information.
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More energy work being done on me, likely to help ensure I'm trapped and imprisoned here and can't get out. besides draining off some energy likely too. i have been tired all day and am still tired.
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I still feel exhausted. Though I'll try to do the 12th meditation of part 4. doubt it'll do any good consciously. to bad it's not key for me to get out of this hellworld. gods i do hate it here.
I won't be able comment much on what, if anything , happens since it is so long I find it hard to remember what happens during such a long guided meditation. Since I'm so exhausted I think I'll try to listen to it while laying down instead of leaning back in my recliner chair.
I did the 12th guided meditation of part 4. It went well. I forgot to run the energies but i can do that later. I feel tired, not exhausted like when I started it. I still didn't see anything really. I didn't feel much during the meditation. Overall I feel the same, except I'm tired instead of being exhausted. I do wonder if It did do anything or not.
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Awoke from my nap. First time I don't feel exhausted or very tired. I feel slightly tired, best I've felt all day.
As I lay down I felt some being appear and was overlapping with my upper body. I didn't feel like it had any low vibes so I ignored it hoping it would just go away, though it didn't until some time after I went to sleep. I did feel the usual energy work being done, my whole body more or less resonating, some like the abdominal area seemed to be resonating more, with energy streaming. No idea what that was about or what was going on. No way I can find anything out about what is going on so I'll just shrug and go on.
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I was thinking as I lay down about some stuff I could think over and write down stuff on 2 subjects. The first is what I wish were true about myself.
I'll be basic, no need to get to long with this. I'll do stuff as they come up instead of any sort of order.
For one I do wish I could really channel for real, and preferably a very high level being, or multiple beings like my monad group, or even higher then them. I do wish I was a very evolved soul, ancient soul, very high level & I no longer need to incarnate and have not needed to incarnate in ages. So that way I won't need to. That this incarnation will end soon, or at the the latest in my mid 50's, and very very likely before. That I could just be walk out when I wish, even tonight, and just leave this place for good.
The place Michael newton talks about in his books were true. and that place I use to be able to visit where beings/souls look like balls of color, were either my home or one of them. The other I've detailed in a previous post, last night I think, so no need to put that here. that at the soul level i was a, in no real order of preference: dolphin (not of earth origin), reptilian naga, orca (not of earth origin), western & eastern dragon, unicorn. maybe pegasus,
that the awaken the light body course will get me to being a monad level being, and the other light body courses I am thinking of getting will help also in this and or to get me higher then being a monad level being. (though really I'd much rater be a walk out and get out of this world forever, never incarnating anywhere).
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The nest is what questions I'd get answers to if I had access to the truth. This may take a while since I'll again do it as it comes to me, and I may add to this tonight.
How old my soul is? Do I need to incarnate after this? where is my true home? Where will my home or homes be once this <censored> incarnation is over? How long will this <censored< incarnation go on for? how highly developed,evolved am I? am I close to being a monad level being? if not or if so, how do i help myself to get to the highest level I can during the rest of this <censored> incarnation? What sorts of stuff do I do once I'm back at my true soul home or homes?
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Felt more resonating and energy work being done on me. Likely be nefarious beings to ensure I am trapped in this hellworld. I wish either this incarnation would end tonight or I could become a walk out now, or asap. I do hate being here. and really hope whenever I am allowed out of this incarnation that this is my last incarnation anywhere and I never have to incarnate anywhere ever again. Incarnating seems like a stupid idea to me. Who in their right minds would come here? I hate being here.
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