Monday [1-19]

I did a few quick meditations this morning.  Focused on sending love to my shadow aspect.  No idea if it is fully integrated or if it's a 2 stage process or a 1 stage process.    No biggie either way, just curious if it is fully integrated or not.   IT feels like it's here where I am, in the body or it's energy is in the same place as the body's energy is.  Not sure if that is a sign it is fully integrated or this is a 2 stage integration where stage one was overlaying it's energy with mine and the molecules & cells of this body needed time to adjust to that and now its overlayed the stage 2 integration starts.  or if like I mentioned before its a 1 stage.  No biggie just curious.  ? felt it send a bit of love to me and i can feel it here more?  maybe a sign it's a 2 stage integrate or we're already integration and it's in another dimension, so to speak, from where I am which is this one?   I'm sure I'll know someday.  Just curious.

was thinking that I'm glad I have the right to be a separate soul with all my soul parent's memories, instead of it being, "nope ." and get absorbed back into soul once the incarnation is over. And also glad soul aspect and our immediate soul family are treating me as an equal member, though one that needs help and has partial amnesia. and it's not a 'no you don't' get treated as an equal till the incarnation is over and you make your final choice.' 

I have stated my intent, more then once, that I do want to be a separate soul identity with full memories of my soul parent.  Though i do wonder if I'll be asked some time when this incarnation is over and I've gone through any needed re-adjustment or rehabilitation needed once the incarnation is over. and if I'm asked who'll it be by.  Soul aspect, someone else, it and the immediate soul family?  Or since I've made my intent while I was an incarnation will it just happen poof since the universe and the 1 already know my intent?   just more curiosity. 

Also was thinking that since I'll be an independent soul with all of soul parents memories, if I do incarnate, if I"ll eventually be a soul parent and those incarnations will, of course, have their choice to be separate or not and retain my memories or not.  So our immediate soul family will continue to grow.  I do wonder how big it is currently? 

I have thought of what it would be like to be separate and not retain my soul parent's memories and the stuff they sent to me yesterday morning, but I do want to retain my soul parent's memories as a separate soul since, despite the veil that I have in place, I do contain my soul parent's memories and it's admitted to being an old soul, to use a human term, it would be a lot of bother to go through being a young soul again.  I'd rather start off as an old soul immediate since i have gone through the young soul stuff already since my energy was a part of my soul parent's, as it is now, so I was there and already experienced and learned all that.  No, i do prefer to retain the soul parent's memories, start off as an old soul and continue to grow from there.

I did a sort of step back and between and I can feel that the various parts of me, aspects or whatever the term is, do love each other, and would be willing/are willing to share their being & energy, as in intermingling energies and what some would call soul sex, as well as merging, though merging in a pleasurable way, not the regular non pleasurable way.

I still wonder what soul meant by the change I feel inside myself is my becoming more like it.  I already am it and it is me.  at least till i become an independent soul, but that is the future. 

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Think I had a poof soul memory. It is the same of how my memories came back the 2 times I had amnesia.  Then my memories came back in lumps. So like the first poof I remember everything up to the age of say 7.  then the 2nd poof, up to say around 14.  And so on. 

In this case I had a poof and remember that the immediate soul family I'm a member of do like to do what they call sharing with each other.  This is intermingling energies, also what some would call soul sex, though we dislike the term and prefer to combine that with the sharing term, referring to all of it as sharing.  Also sometimes 2 or more of the immediate family will flow together, sometimes during a sharing.  And through flowing together will merge into one gestalt soul.  My memory seems to be that the full merging is not always the end goal but it just sometimes happens and if it does start we allow it to happen.  and centuries may pass as we enjoy being one gestalt soul, before 1 or more of us decide to go back to being independent souls.  The merging can happen not just between 2 of us but can include more then 2. 

Not sure if this is a side effect of the veil being dissolved and that is why I remembered this or if it means something else.  Plus I guess that means when I'm an independent soul with soul parent's memories this will happen to me at some point, more then once.  And also centuries may pass before we decide to split and I'm an independent soul again.  I've experienced merging twice. An interesting experience.  The time I merged with the soul I'm part of I just became more me.  Say from being 5% me to 100% me, so to speak. 

When I merged with the soul that had a female feel to it, and I assume is a member of my immediate soul family, we were 1 gestalt being.  And like in the Escher picture that is both 2 faces facing each other and a cup and i can switch between which of those I can see.  I was able to switch between being a combined gestalt consciousness and being me.

Guess that means I've remembered more of "dad's" memories. ;)

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I woke up and notice my sex drive/urge seemed to be above normal.  I got an idea and sent the intent to my kundalini, in a way that I assume soul and immediate soul family communicate with me and it worked.  Basically my intent put into words was, "Ok, kundalini, if I have an excess of sexual type energy can you use it for my higher good, wither that is to activate inactive chakras, balance them, link them, help in merging or integrating with whatever parts of myself I've not merged or integrated with but should or need to."  The Kundalini grew pleasantly warm, resonated a bit and felt like it wiggled a bit side to side along part of it's length.  No idea what it did consciously, but I guess it did something that needed doing, even if I'm not aware of what it did consciously yet.

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Just had an interesting, and pleasurable experience that I wasn't expecting.  But one that I went along with. 

I decided to try to meditate by going between my thoughts and stepping back.  it felt like some other part of me was waiting and decided to do a pleasant surprise.  When I mentally stepped back I stepped back into some other aspect of me.  it's energy felt exactly like mine only more concentrated, warmer, more powerful?  It then proceeded to give me a loving hug and kiss, from the inside.  I decided to go along with this and try to do likewise do it while it was inside.  I continued like this for a bit then thought why not invite some other aspects of me like my shadow self, inner child and any other aspects i am not aware of to share in this experience.  No idea what aspect it was, but it did feel like 1 other aspect did join in.  Interesting experience.  I've not experienced this before. 

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Interesting experience.  Lasted for I think about 30 minutes but felt like at most 5 minutes. 

What I wanted to try to do was to see if I could do a sharing or something between my various aspects of myself including soul and any member of my immediate soul family that may want to join in.  Felt like more then one maybe did, between aspects and soul family members.

at first I just tried to relax and not try to hard.  at first it felt like faint bursts of pleasure burst through my being.  I just enjoyed the experience and did try to send love to all the aspects and soul family involved.  I also tried to remain between my thoughts and step back as well.  During this i felt my meditative trance slip from light to medium. then later on medium to deep.  I think at some point I did slip into the observer, at least for periods of time.  No idea how long this lasted.  Then I started to become aware of myself again.  I just continued to lay there.  It felt like this body was resonating the slightest bit and parts of it had energy rusting through it.  Though not to a high degree.  It felt like I had to relearn or remember how to control this body again.  I told myself to relax, or was it just me or soul aspect or both of us, or another aspect that said for me to relax.  I'm not sure, not that it really matters.  The last was my hands and fingers.  Those took the longest for me to seem to relearn how to control again. 

No idea if what i wanted to do worked or not.  I mainly wanted to see if I could help the process of my various aspects integrate together a bit faster or help part of the process along while have some fun & shared pleasure.


Hmm, I noticed a side effect that I didn't at first, since it feels so normal I didn't notice it at first.  The only way I can describe it as there seems to be love and joy inside me, part of my being, if that makes any sense.  Not sure if it is permanent or not, but however long it lasts I accept and enjoy it.  Also attraction for me, my various aspects all being me.  ? different reflections? I accept that too and will enjoy it as well.

Not to mention there is also the sexual attraction I feel for me and the various aspects of me, I accept that too and will enjoy it as well.
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 Not sure if I had a flash forward, or soul aspect was giving me a fun scene to show me what will likley happen once this incarnation is over and I have gone through any rehab, readjustment or whatever may be needed once this body dies. Though it was not like a video since i was able to do what I wanted in it and say what I wanted.

We are both presenting bodies, not solid just look like bodies like souls, guides, ect can.

We are hugging each other.  Our bodies seem to be androgenous and are both not human but more like furry anthro cetacean bodies, but not exactly.

Soul: "So have you decided which your decision will be?  This is the time to change your mind if you want.  You have 3 choices.  merge back with me.  Be a seperate soul with my memories, or be one without my memories."

I continue hugging my soul aspect. I take one arm off to use a finger to play the index finger along soul's jaw and chin.

Me: "I'll answer on 2 conditions, you can choose what order you want to do the conditions." I say in a playful and somewhat seducive manner.

Soul (smiling): "Conditions?" He asks interested.

Me: "mmmhmm." first after I give you my decision we have to hug and kiss for a while.  Then you have to introduce me to our family, which I'll be a new member of."

Soul: "Of course.  I was going to do that stuff anyway." It says smiling.

me (I put the hand that is not around his back in a hug on his chest) "Then, I want to be a seperate soul with your memories pop." I say smiling.

We then hug and kiss expressing our love for each other and feeling each other's love.  Our energies start to flow together and a merging starts to happen since my energy was once a part of him it's easy to happen.  We break the hug and kiss before we fully merge.

Not sure if was soul doing something fun with me, a reward that  I've done well, a clue I'm doing very well and on the right track... something else?

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seemed to have another incident where who knows how many images played in my mind again.  More memories?  can't recall them.  Seemed to be more high tech stuff, what I could make out.  I wonder what that was. 
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i was also thinking, after I'm an independent soul with soul parent's memories if we both were to incarnate together we'd likely be twin flames I bet.  Could be an interesting experience, if I choose to incarnate which I may not. 
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I was also thinking.  Since I use to be part of that soul I'm part of now,  When I'm an independent soul I guess our soul connection would be very strong.
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Not sure if I put down here, but it feels like my energy feels different. I'm mostly use to it by now, but I thought I had put it down and seems I have not.  Not sure how long it's been different. No concern, just thought i should note it here.