Thursday [1-22]


Think I got a piece of a fragment of a maybe soul memory.  I usually prefer to call past lives parallel lives since time works different for souls, but I seem to sorta remember as of a short time ago that this me has had at least 1 previous life.  Not sure if it's accurate or a mistake I'm making.    and some of it isn't clear.   I was on some other world not earth and did awaken.  Not sure if i had soul aspect as a lover type then or if soul aspect split temporarily 2 aspects so it could experience incarnating 2 at the same time to be twin flames/lovers and 1 fully awoke earlier and the other started to awaken, further helped by the first.  and whichever is true, the energy that was me then choose to remerge with soul aspect, or both of them did, not sure if that was just the me then, if there was a 2nd incarnation soul did then, or if soul was a guide/lover. I can't remember that part very well.   but on coming to earth soul choose to use the energy of itself that had been that previous incarnation.  It does get pretty complicated when talking about soul, parallel and past lives.  I think i understand at least some of how it works.   Though all this could be just my imagination.

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Got another I think fragmentary memory.  Its a bit confusing.  When soul came to incarnate here it choose specific bits of it's energy that had been a previous incarnation that had fully awakened on another world.  Not sure if it experienced this as a twin flame who either helped each other to awaken, if 1 did and helped the other, or if it was just the 1 incarnation and it and soul became  lovers during this, since I guess a soul and it's aspects being lovers is natural. 

It choose this makeup of energy to experience awakening as a human, with the sort of hope that it may choose to be a separate soul and they could share their love and be lovers, and be a new member of the immediate soul family since she had chosen to merge with it before, or they choose to merge, the memory is unclear if it was 1 incarnation or a twin flame type.

? choosing one that had awakened before would make things easier ? ?

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I decided to try something, not sure if was a good thing, neutral or a bad thing. I went to wherever that all white place is that soul has been giving me soul, or whatever it is, food and hugging and kissing and yesterday we had sex. I invited my shadow aspect there and when I went there (still getting use to being in 2 place at the same time) we were already kissing and hugging each other. I could feel the love and sexual attraction we both felt for each other. I guess that means we're still on good terms. I couldn't see it to well, given the closeness, except it was a bit darker colored. I went back asking it if it could show me what it looked like or wanted to look like. We were hugging still and at first it looked like me, but slightly darker. Then it shifted the way it's eyes looked to be reptilian slit pupils, and I felt like it was watching to see and feel my reaction. When I thought and felt to my core "cool" it shifted a bit to look more like an anthro reptilian type. Then we kissed again.

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I do wonder what exactly is my shadow aspect. I tried asking it just now and all it said was <soul> and I tried asking my soul aspect what it is (soul aspect) and it answered [soul aspect] . So was my shadow aspect being vague ? Since i can say I'm soul. I am soul, just part of my energy is inter-meshed with the brain of this body.

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for a brief time it felt like I was mentally in 2 places but physically here, unlike being mentally and physically in 2 places.  it was that place again and it was as if soul and shadow were both hugging and kissing me at the same time, but like in that escher picture I could only mentally experience 1 of them at a time, though I did try to mentally feel them both at once.  I ? think/feel/know? this was perhaps a first lesson on them trying to expand or increase my awareness so i can get to where i can mentally experience both of them hugging & kissing me at the same time, then they may move to where the experience may be where I'm both mentally and physically in both locations then move the next step where I can experience both.  Though I may be totally wrong. 
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had an experience that I think is shadow doing something.  Felt like it connected on an area on my upper back and like it linked our energy systems partially so that at certain intervals it felt like it was squirting energy into my energy systems.  The effect was I could feel the energy pathways resonate with the energy, then the body would start to slightly resonate.  this went on for maybe 5 or 10 minutes.  With it pausing for certain lengths of time.  Not sure it's adding to the amount of energy, increasing the amount for some reason, increasing the vibration level, or something else.  A curious sensation. 
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 Had a short but passionate encounter with my shadow aspect.  Interesting, enjoyable, and perhaps more.
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Feels like my shadow aspect did something again. connected to back or something briefly and feels like I'm resonating again.  I'm pretty use to the feeling.  Hmm, felt like for a moment I mentally was both it and me at once.  for an instant.   like we almost merged then.  Hmm.   It did feel sentient, but more ? primal too?  if that makes sense.

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had another encounter with shadow aspect.  Seems the 2 of us do get along well.  That is good indeed. 

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 Hmm? Sign I am integrating shadow aspect? was meditating and feeling in my mind or being had notice I have some ? primal? bit added to my being, mind or personality? not sure of the right term. I think shadow aspect noticed this so he came for a bit of fun.

i was feeling the difference in the love we have for each other. Mine feels sorta more like soul's love and shadow aspect's feels more primal.


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