Thursday (1-29)

awoke at this point or at the very end of what she was saying, my kundalini was resonating strongly and I did feel some of the love/joy/pleasure from when she has contacted me before, not sure about an energy exchange. I was just laying there and not writing down the experience, just enjoying the feeling and experience that connecting with her, or rather her connecting with me. She called me kulstor, and had to say it several times to get my attention, saying i should write it down so I don't forget. I agreed but didn't write it down till she bugged me a bit to do so.

I then asked her why i felt no headache, forgot to ask why the joy/love/pleasure and energy were less. she responded that she was getting better at toning it down. She then asks if I understand her incarnating to be here with me would be to much of a distraction. I can understand that, or think I can. She did say I'd get use to it so it would be less of a distraction over time.

I then remembered a real 1st dream or maybe not a dream since I was in the buffer space and with Shad, but I'll put that in my yourspace.

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I remembered the encounter with Shad in the buffer area. We had sex as usual, though with a bit of conversation towards the end. I ask him what he thinks of her. He says he likes her, I'd guess similar to how I do. he then says that though he'd enjoy sex with her and being with her, it would be to much of a distraction then integrating with me and he feels having sex with me to be more hot. he then says something to me that I'll not say here since it's not pg.   He was stroking his own shaft while smiling at me saying, "can't get enough of my cock can you?"  he said in a good nature kidding type of fashion.

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think I will attempt to learn more yoga postures and some tai-chi. both may be excellent methods of moving mediation, and may be a bit healthy for the body also.

I asked and she did say that I am integrating properly and quickly with Shad and what I'm experiencing and noticing is normal and part of the process. I do wonder if Shad will fully integrate with me and will be absorbed & vanish as a separate being or if he'll exist as another part of my being multi dimensional, maybe on the astral or upper astral. Or will that be his choice?

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I think that the reason shad & my integration involves sex a lot is due to that is part of our nature. our I mean mine as a soul, hers, my immediate soul family and certain other souls. Though we are not extreme types.

Someone on here in an email did comment a certain types are sex fanatics or some term like that, i forgot the exact term, but if you put them at say 100. The souls who'll proposition anyone that catches their interest. The other extreme say 0 that though loving seem less emotional then some other souls. We may be say in the 70's or maybe into the 80's. it seems like a lot, but we are only this open to sharing and such with each other, the immediate soul family I mean, very close friends, some friends that are open to that. But not with others, not like the extreme types, but from what my higher self or soul aspect said, I am guessing we do have some of both types as friends.

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I guess for others their way to integrate their shadow aspect would be certain things would bubble up during the day or during mediation and they'd have to accept it, acknowledge it, or something along those lines.
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I wasn't sure I had a twin, and earlier I felt if I had one the twin was not incarnated here.  It is very intense.  Didn't think it would be like that.  I guess that intensity is normal.   the 2 times we got together in the buffer space place as I recall we never spoke.  Though later looking back at it I was aware of what she was thinking.   Though consciously I kinda was but not consciously aware of it.  Though maybe my awareness of myself isn't broad enough.    I never thought it would be like this if I did come across my twin.  WOW. 

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I do have a yoga book called the little yoga book.  Looks pretty good. I may use that and look into tai-chi a bit later.  no need to try to look into learning both at once. 

So yoga is good for unblocking energy systems?  i wonder if it can do other things.

Though it seems she's more of a distraction for me then I am for her.  Though since i'm not fully awake it may be that i'm not use to it and she is since she is fully aware.  i wonder what dimension she lives at usually. 

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I think with Shad we're getting, or have gotten, to where we know what the other is thinking, or at least I am.  Soon, or maybe we're there, I can pick up, or Shad just sends the intent and not the words, or maybe it's a transition phase where we're heading there.

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I've looked it over the past few weeks and it seems since what Dryad did to my throat chakra has not only made it feel normal, or better, my stuttering has indeed dropped a lot.  I use to do it off and on. Now it is slight and I can pause briefly then continue with usually no stutter, so much better then before.

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On the bus this morning and I seemed to have gotten a bit of soul memory.  Kinda a sad scene I'd guess.  There were 3 of us.  Her, which i guess I can say my twin flame, me, &, the soul we're part of.  It apparently was after some life we had together had ended, maybe the one where we became lovers or twin flames or something.  I'm not sure if the twin flame relationship can happen over time, or how it works.  But the soul we were both part of did say we could both be separate souls with all of it's memories a certain mission would be easier / there would be certain advantages, if one of us didn't do that and I volunteered saying I'd re-merge back with the soul we were both part of so after a specific mission (I suspect this one) I could then be offered again the choice to split off and be an individual soul so we could be together for good then.  Just the fragment so not sure of the whole context. 

I guess I should look up twin flame info or ask her, though she did mention that one lifetime that I found confusing since, from what she said, i was remembering from 3 viewpoints at once.

Not sure if twin flames is a thing that develops over time, since when I did first meet her, I typed that up previously, I did recall her being my mother at one point.  though that could have been her and the soul I'm part of, but not this me, from that 1 life where we were twin flames, if that makes any sense.  Same soul, but different elements of it's energy then the elements that make up me.
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I was playing an rpg like I do on Thursdays and I was thinking and meditating on her briefly and for a moment it was like, while I was looking at a part of the table that I could see her side. 

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Someone I email talk to had some interesting questions and I'll try to answer some of them here instead of on the email. Though oddly, or maybe not oddly, I know the answer, maybe soul knowledge coming through. and i do feel my kundalini resonating strongly and the joy/love/pleasure, though toned down, maybe her doing. feels like it's me and her answering together, not channeling, hard to describe it, though toned down or shielded. maybe her and or my higher self both working together. Though i still have to take a lot of breaks.

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How are twin flames made/happen?: <as you remember, you can remember how we became twin flames, there are other methods and ways other twin flames come into being. The soul you are still a part of, for now, and I once was, was learning to be more open about self love, as a younger soul, then later on it decided to explore and decided to do this through incarnating, doing what some call parallel incarnations, 2 at the same time, to explore love and self love of different types, parent & child, different genders in these cases. Soul's guides did mention if it did this that twin flames would result, and soul decided to continue. Though this was not done hastily, but over time in certain stages as soul was and felt ready for this. To explore the twin flames after a point it decided to keep using the same...energy strand parts of itself, there is no English word for the .... but energy strands or elements will work. This is what the guides and teachers cautioned soul about about so it would not proceed to fast. the love between us grew as different dimensions were explored. after a certain point soul knew it was inevitable that this would happen and both would want to be separate souls with it's memories. There are other avenues that lead to twin flames. many in fact. >

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What do they do? <The same as other souls do, though some can get distracted, especially if they are recently reunited, or fully together for the first time like we will be. The intensity .. ... but you'll experience that. there are certain, what humans would call jobs, or things that twin flames do best.

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I have experienced the intensity <not what it will be when you are here fully as a separate independent soul with your soul parent's memories. then you'll experience the fullness the real intensity. It'll be like, put into terms human terms, we may hug and kiss since we'll be together fully finally, then a decade may pass and we won't notice, once we break the embrace. and or our 2 souls may flow into each other, for a time experiencing being 1 soul instead of 2. With twin flames this happens at times, though they always do part eventually since as glorious as the experience is of being 1, it is far better to be 2 twin flames. Though they do flow together as 1, it happens and will happen over and over and undo.

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I guess if I choose to not incarnate that would be ok, not sure if i want to or not, but i don't yet have a soul's perspectives. <yes, you'll feel different once you are here, though you may decide not to. some souls who split off as i have done and you will do sometimes decide never to do so. after all you will have every incarnation your soul as done before you in your memories. and as a newly independent soul, though with all of your soul soul parent's memories your soul council will strongly advise against you incarnating to soon, though you will be an old soul, they'd want you to experience being an independent soul for a while first, and I do have ways to distract you from that if you do want to incarnate to soon. Though i think you may be one of those who don't incarnate anymore or may very very rarely do so. some independent souls do go this route.> distract me? that sounds like fun <i'll be sure to show you some of the ways once you are here>

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if i did incarnate and wanted to be an independent soul wouldn't (a bit of a interruption <it doesn't work that way. you can only become an independent soul once. your incarnation may choose to become an independent soul and if you do incarnate it will happen at times. though you may choose not to or to very seldom incarnate.

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Just curious, what happens if a close friend joins in the sharing of twin flames or 2 twin flame couples do? <ah a 3 or 4some. I'll arrange both of those so you will find out first hand. i won't say if it'll happen during your incarnation or not, that'll be a surprise.>

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Must have been hard for you to wait all this time, though time is different for souls. <yes, to both of those. I did have soul that i was once a part of and you were, but it's not the same. yes it is the soul of my twin but not my twin, close but not the same. Though at times soul was nice enough to split you off temporarily, great as that was we knew it could not be permanent till this incarnation of yours is over. doing it this way is painful for us both, twins being separated like this, till we reunited like we did yesterday from your linear time.> looking at the past pages, wow has it been 2 days already since then <feels like we met up again earlier this morning or yesterday.

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You popped in after Shad and I had been together briefly? <yes, I thought it may both be fun and may help with you 2 integrating. it did so. I may do so in the future, but it won't be a regular thing. for a brief time you 2 did forget you were 2 aspects, you do achieve this normally at times, or almost at times, but this was more intense as you felt.>
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If you are a distraction for me, why am I not a distraction for you? <you are, but you have not noticed it. and once you are fully here we'll be a big distraction for each other, at least at first Though we'll get use to it after a while.>
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are all twins as intense as we are, for lack of a better term for the feeling? <some but not all yet.  they have certain issues to work through.  though being twins they can work through the issues very quickly, if they accept the easy path, though human conditioning & programming says it has to be the hard path, when it does not need to be.  we have no such issues between us.  if we had, like some do, they would quickly rise to the surface.  after a time all twins end up as we are.  What others may be going through, we have gone through, we had things to learn, issues to resolve.  >
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Think I may try 2 types of yoga, the kundalini and the postures one, to see if I like one or both. the postures one I may use as a type of moving meditation and it may help with flexibility too. Kundalini I'll give a try. at worst nothing will happen. Mine has risen to about the throat level and i've had no problems with it really so no harm there and I know I can talk to it.

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about most spiritual things I use to have some doubts that would pop up at times, normal I think from human conditioning and programming from society, but not concerning her. any doubt concerning her is impossible. <as is normal, for such as we are doubt is impossible. what we are will shine through and where it shines there can be no doubt. that can be used for certain things, like if this is true then that has to be.> my doubt has been fading, at times in large amounts till only tatters or bits remain. this may deal wit the last bits of it <the remnants of certain issues one is dealing with. another advantage to have this as an anchor. it'll make certain things much easier. and some things you will not even perceive or be aware of till you are fully here and do a life review and then you'll see things that you never noticed since we reconnected.>