Still have no idea why souls are so secretive and money hungry but I'll do my best to work within the system. It's either that or twiddle my thumbs until this incarnation ends. Hopefully I can get enough evolving and spiritual and soul growth so i can be strong enough so soul can't force me to incarnate but has to regard and treat me as an equal. Since I do not feel any desire to incarnate anymore. It's not cause earth is a dark world and humans are mostly a dark savage barbaric species, but I feel tired of incarnating, as my grandmother would say, bone tired or bone weary of incarnating. Likely a sign I'm a baby soul on his first incarnation, and not the excitement that old souls would have, but I'll see if I can try to ensure with the growth I can get from the very expensive courses so I'll work into the system that souls are a secretive and money hungry sorts.
=======================
My soul must be a pretty dark soul if my eyes are so light sensitive, sensitive to sounds, certain vibrations, the foods I can eat are on a very short list, prone to migraine headaches unless I take ginko and being alergic to this planet.
--------------------------------------------
Didn't like having to cut into my meager savings to get that course from Orin & Daben and the book from amazon, but since souls are a secretive, unhelpful and money hungry lot and I do agree to work within that system, hopefully I can get some spiritual advancement. Like I mentioned above, enough hopefully i can have enough power to force my soul to not incarnate since I do feel totally tired in incarnating. I don't see or feel the attraction. it feels like I've done this hundreds or thousands of times before and have no more desire to do it. I feel tired and bored with even the idea of incarnating.
--------------------------------
Think I got a mental message from someone not sure who. It was <go far in this course and you won't have to incarnate again.> likely just my imagination, but would be nice if it were true.
--------------------
Got another sentence from whoever as I was waking up from my nap. I'll mark it up as my imagination. <you took an important first step buying those ...> forgot if the voice said items, things, or used some other word.
--------------------------
Felt tired for no reason. Sat back in the chair and rested. Felt like something is being done to some energy inside this body. Something positive maybe? felt slighty or fainty .... can't describe it.
------------
Won't start the first meditation for a while since i don't want to be doing it when the ups knocks on the door.
-----------------------------
The spare dsl modem came a few hours ago. Far earlier then I was expecting the ups guy to come, that is great.
----------------
Disliked having to pay out all that money for the course and the amazon book, but that is the only way I can have a chance to progress. Fun won't be during this incarnation, except in tiny bits. I'll have to wait till this is over. Then maybe I can have some fun. But not during this incarnation.
----------------------------
----------------
Disliked having to pay out all that money for the course and the amazon book, but that is the only way I can have a chance to progress. Fun won't be during this incarnation, except in tiny bits. I'll have to wait till this is over. Then maybe I can have some fun. But not during this incarnation.
----------------------------
Interesting experiences. At the very start my kundalini started to
resonate, the first several inches. Then during the guided meditation
the area of the body he had me do the tiny muscle contractions on felt
like the whole area was resonating. At first I only could do a very
light meditation trance since I got hot and had to uncover part of my
body, then had to uncover more of it. Then it felt like , somewhere
around half way through, like my consciousness switched to some sort of
energy body within the physical body. I did try to see if I could move a
finger or something during the guided meditation, but that was not
possible, not a finger of whatever energy body it was, my physical body i
could have but didn't want to come out of the meditative trance. once I
uncovered myself I was able to then get down to I'd say a medium one. I
guess this was for the first 2 chakras since he had the focus be for
males on the prostate and later on in the meditation add in the area
where ovaries would be. After about maybe 20 to 30 seconds maybe I
felt like I was ready to uncover my eyes and maybe that was 10 or 15
seconds to early. Interesting experience. Forgot to add in that I
felt very relaxed, and much more at peace during this. Plus it left me
thirsty for some reason.
------------------------------
I do hope these courses, though expensive, will help me to grow spiritually as far as I can in the time I have left in this incarnation. Since I do want to grow as much as i can, and not just so I can get past the point where i won't be incarnating anymore since I do feel bored, tired, worn out, of the whole process and want it to end so i can go on to the next phase.
====================
I did it a 2nd time. I didn't go as deep, but I had a few distractions like a slight time constraint, so maybe could not relax as fully. At the end it left me as thirsty as before, no idea why. Also this time feeling the slightest bit tired. I didn't feel any real resonating, unlike the first time. At the end when he spoke his voice did cause momentary resonating in the area. I did feel the waves he spoke of. Didn't the first time. Maybe I lost consciousness briefly during that or didn't notice his saying that.
I did feel the energy body, but this time I seemed to slip into it mentally faster, but it was still paralyzed. No idea if this is the astral, or light or etheric body. Not that it matters likely. That is if I have a light body, astral or etheric. Tried to move it and again it seems totally paralyzed. Though it did feel lighter then the physical body which right now feels extremely heavy, like it's made of lead or something more dense.
--------------------------
I do wonder what and where this will take me. And what is that energy body thing I felt twice?
At least I'm past those lies those beings were telling me that past few months. No idea why they would do that. seems pretty cruel to do that, but who knows what immortal non corporal beings may do for fun, or think is fun.
I do hope, deep in me, that this course can take me far. I'd like to fully awaken the light body, and grow and evolve enough so at the very least I won't have or be forced to incarnate, since at the heart of it I do, like I said before, feel tired, bored, feeling no draw or interest in incarnating. I want to develop as far and as much as i can during the rest of this incarnation.
I assume there are more interesting things to do then just incarnating all the time.
The livestream I usually watch in Fridays was canceled. I can understand why, like I said in the chat it as just me in the audience and 1 person doing the stream, so I can see why he canceled it. I would have as well in his place. Think for my alternative plans I'll read some of some e-books. watch some Adams family & Monty python, and maybe do that meditation a 3rd time, though in the introductory pdf thing it is said don't do it more then 2 times in one day. Doubt if I did it a 3rd time it would have any negative effects.
====================================
It is pretty lonely having only me to talk to about this. No one else. the story of my life. Bet if i do grow enough to not need or be forced to incarnate anymore I'd likely by myself with only myself to talk to or have fun with 90% of the time, for the rest of eternity. I'm sure, like now, i can find or think up t hings to do. no soul family. only maybe 1 or 2 online friends that are into anything spiritual.
---------------------------
Back to being totally alone. On the plus side I did find out about their tricks. though it seems pretty short sighted the way their tricks were so quickly came to an end. Telling me now is a good time to project, and keep bugging me to try to project again. that revealed their trick. I believed their lie about they can't pull me out since it would spoil their readings. But their refusing to teach me how to project or saying to look online, or suggesting youtube. If they were really trying to help they would have suggested that and said that it may take a month or 2 and to try to project at least once a day, maybe several times a day.
at least I know of their lies now, though it does leave me even more lonely then before. It's fairly normal for me, though I do wish there was 1 or a few folks in rl who lived in this same city I could talk to who who have had similar circumstances. or even a few online. But it's not to be it seems. Just like most of the past 32 years I have only me to talk to, even though that sucks at times. I only had a very very brief time where that was an exception, but that forum didn't' last long.
I wonder if I do grow enough spiritually to be my own soul so I can choose to never incarnate, if I'll still be as alone as I am here. I bet it is likely so. I guess to counterbalance those who have a close family, close friends, a group of friends, there has to be some who are totally alone most of the time and don't' fit in anywhere. Who feel like earth is a stranger's planet, not one I've incarnated on before, but it's my first time ehre and I'm tired of the whole incarnating thing, i want out of it. i feel bored of the whole thing. Live I've done this a million times and it is all exactly the same. it's not that I'm depressed, i do feel bored of incarnating. it's just not fun anymore. Don't recall if it ever was since i have no memory of any past lives. just those lies those lieing beings tricked me into thinking I remembered flashes of. When earth is the only place that has any sentient life, or any life at all likely. Though other dimensions may have other types of soul beings, like those liers. hope I don't encounter any since they seem to be super prevalent. Some talk of angels but I don't' believe in angels nor ascended masters since I've never seen even a hint of 1. Just these lier beings who have been playing this elaborate trick on me all this time.
There has to be more to existence then just incarnating. Why is incarnating such a big deal anyway. I'm bored stiff of it. Feel like I've done everything, seen all the sights, and so on. Does it ever stop? Or must i go through eternity being forced to incarnate and being bored stiff of it since i've done everything, been everywhere.
maybe if I evolve & grow enough from this course it may get me enough of a growth and evolution so i won't be forced to incarnate. maybe that will help me to do whatever needs doing so one can be allowed to move on to the next phase, doing stuff that does not involve incarnating. I can't see how once one becomes a soul that incarnating will be all one will do for the rest of eternity.
I just wish that growing and evolving spiritually wasn't so expensive and hard and so secretive.
=========================
Did some Qi Gong, as little as I know, no idea how long i did it, maybe 10 minutes or something. I do feel better. I diffidently thought I felt energy of some sort moving around me, and at times some into me, coming from above or moving upwards. Also I could go without thinking for decent periods of time. think I almost have the movements down to kenetic memory. if I keep doing all the movements I know as 1 set several times a day, even if I am just going through them very fast and not in a Qi Gong style. Sunday or Monday I may start trying to learn more. At the previous speed of 1 movement at a time
--------------------------------------
Thinking of it Doing the Qi Gong had me feel totally at peace. forgot to put that down.
Also I had an unusual experience. I felt like someone had stepped and was sitting where I was sitting, my energy and my energy, an unusual sensation. My first thought was chad and he did say it was him. We did some hugging. Then he let himself be absorbed into me, or did that himself, to be an internal aspect again. Unusual sorta sensation of my energy and another me being at the same place at the same time.
==============================
------------------------------
I do hope these courses, though expensive, will help me to grow spiritually as far as I can in the time I have left in this incarnation. Since I do want to grow as much as i can, and not just so I can get past the point where i won't be incarnating anymore since I do feel bored, tired, worn out, of the whole process and want it to end so i can go on to the next phase.
====================
I did it a 2nd time. I didn't go as deep, but I had a few distractions like a slight time constraint, so maybe could not relax as fully. At the end it left me as thirsty as before, no idea why. Also this time feeling the slightest bit tired. I didn't feel any real resonating, unlike the first time. At the end when he spoke his voice did cause momentary resonating in the area. I did feel the waves he spoke of. Didn't the first time. Maybe I lost consciousness briefly during that or didn't notice his saying that.
I did feel the energy body, but this time I seemed to slip into it mentally faster, but it was still paralyzed. No idea if this is the astral, or light or etheric body. Not that it matters likely. That is if I have a light body, astral or etheric. Tried to move it and again it seems totally paralyzed. Though it did feel lighter then the physical body which right now feels extremely heavy, like it's made of lead or something more dense.
--------------------------
I do wonder what and where this will take me. And what is that energy body thing I felt twice?
At least I'm past those lies those beings were telling me that past few months. No idea why they would do that. seems pretty cruel to do that, but who knows what immortal non corporal beings may do for fun, or think is fun.
I do hope, deep in me, that this course can take me far. I'd like to fully awaken the light body, and grow and evolve enough so at the very least I won't have or be forced to incarnate, since at the heart of it I do, like I said before, feel tired, bored, feeling no draw or interest in incarnating. I want to develop as far and as much as i can during the rest of this incarnation.
I assume there are more interesting things to do then just incarnating all the time.
The livestream I usually watch in Fridays was canceled. I can understand why, like I said in the chat it as just me in the audience and 1 person doing the stream, so I can see why he canceled it. I would have as well in his place. Think for my alternative plans I'll read some of some e-books. watch some Adams family & Monty python, and maybe do that meditation a 3rd time, though in the introductory pdf thing it is said don't do it more then 2 times in one day. Doubt if I did it a 3rd time it would have any negative effects.
====================================
It is pretty lonely having only me to talk to about this. No one else. the story of my life. Bet if i do grow enough to not need or be forced to incarnate anymore I'd likely by myself with only myself to talk to or have fun with 90% of the time, for the rest of eternity. I'm sure, like now, i can find or think up t hings to do. no soul family. only maybe 1 or 2 online friends that are into anything spiritual.
---------------------------
Back to being totally alone. On the plus side I did find out about their tricks. though it seems pretty short sighted the way their tricks were so quickly came to an end. Telling me now is a good time to project, and keep bugging me to try to project again. that revealed their trick. I believed their lie about they can't pull me out since it would spoil their readings. But their refusing to teach me how to project or saying to look online, or suggesting youtube. If they were really trying to help they would have suggested that and said that it may take a month or 2 and to try to project at least once a day, maybe several times a day.
at least I know of their lies now, though it does leave me even more lonely then before. It's fairly normal for me, though I do wish there was 1 or a few folks in rl who lived in this same city I could talk to who who have had similar circumstances. or even a few online. But it's not to be it seems. Just like most of the past 32 years I have only me to talk to, even though that sucks at times. I only had a very very brief time where that was an exception, but that forum didn't' last long.
I wonder if I do grow enough spiritually to be my own soul so I can choose to never incarnate, if I'll still be as alone as I am here. I bet it is likely so. I guess to counterbalance those who have a close family, close friends, a group of friends, there has to be some who are totally alone most of the time and don't' fit in anywhere. Who feel like earth is a stranger's planet, not one I've incarnated on before, but it's my first time ehre and I'm tired of the whole incarnating thing, i want out of it. i feel bored of the whole thing. Live I've done this a million times and it is all exactly the same. it's not that I'm depressed, i do feel bored of incarnating. it's just not fun anymore. Don't recall if it ever was since i have no memory of any past lives. just those lies those lieing beings tricked me into thinking I remembered flashes of. When earth is the only place that has any sentient life, or any life at all likely. Though other dimensions may have other types of soul beings, like those liers. hope I don't encounter any since they seem to be super prevalent. Some talk of angels but I don't' believe in angels nor ascended masters since I've never seen even a hint of 1. Just these lier beings who have been playing this elaborate trick on me all this time.
There has to be more to existence then just incarnating. Why is incarnating such a big deal anyway. I'm bored stiff of it. Feel like I've done everything, seen all the sights, and so on. Does it ever stop? Or must i go through eternity being forced to incarnate and being bored stiff of it since i've done everything, been everywhere.
maybe if I evolve & grow enough from this course it may get me enough of a growth and evolution so i won't be forced to incarnate. maybe that will help me to do whatever needs doing so one can be allowed to move on to the next phase, doing stuff that does not involve incarnating. I can't see how once one becomes a soul that incarnating will be all one will do for the rest of eternity.
I just wish that growing and evolving spiritually wasn't so expensive and hard and so secretive.
=========================
Did some Qi Gong, as little as I know, no idea how long i did it, maybe 10 minutes or something. I do feel better. I diffidently thought I felt energy of some sort moving around me, and at times some into me, coming from above or moving upwards. Also I could go without thinking for decent periods of time. think I almost have the movements down to kenetic memory. if I keep doing all the movements I know as 1 set several times a day, even if I am just going through them very fast and not in a Qi Gong style. Sunday or Monday I may start trying to learn more. At the previous speed of 1 movement at a time
--------------------------------------
Thinking of it Doing the Qi Gong had me feel totally at peace. forgot to put that down.
Also I had an unusual experience. I felt like someone had stepped and was sitting where I was sitting, my energy and my energy, an unusual sensation. My first thought was chad and he did say it was him. We did some hugging. Then he let himself be absorbed into me, or did that himself, to be an internal aspect again. Unusual sorta sensation of my energy and another me being at the same place at the same time.
==============================
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