Sunday   [2-1]

It seems she is raising my vibration for some reason. I wonder if I'll assimilate her next. I hope not since it'll be I keep getting a new non physical friend and within weeks poof they are integrated into me, like Shad was. My higher self, from what I put in above, won't be, but he said it'll eventually get to the point where I'll be aware of him and if we do talk it'll be like my talking to myself. So I guess at that point we won't see each other, but hopefully we well. My guess at some point the dolphin guy will be my primary guide. I guess maybe, if I live long enough, he'll work on be being aware of being my oversoul or something. or maybe just being a primary guide. With my twin maybe a secondary guide, if I don't assemulate and integrate her.

she did say the resonating of my 2nd chakra when she does this is an effect caused by what and who she is to me, and my sex drive being stimulated by her raising my vibration, just making contact even. Guess it makes sense.

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annoying that so many foods I can't eat and now i also have this distortion in my vision of my left eye. I had it years ago. then it was caused by my eating picante sauce and chile powder, what it is a an area under my left retina builds up with fluid since it doesn't drain fast enough. No idea what is causing it now.

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I wonder if I'm allergic to the earth or something, all the foods I can't eat, getting migraines if I don't' take ginko, being so sensitive to light, some sounds, vibrations, ect. or if it's various other issues. I've no idea myself.

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Think I'll try going out to that free mediation thing. it may be fun, may help me in some way. It' is 3 Sundays a month, so I may gradually make some friends. it's only 3 times a month since for 1 Saturday and Sunday a month they do a mind-body-spirit fair thing. I may go to that also. It'll likely be fun but I doubt I'll make any friends then since everyone will be coming and going.

If there is something on Saturdays I may go there a 2nd Saturday a month. I do hope it helps me along the path I'm on, I learn things, and make friends.

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I wonder who this PillaiCenter person is. Forgot to mention it, whoever he is he added me to his circles on January 3.
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Loneliness sucks. I wonder if it'll ever pass or if I'll be lonely all my life. It sucks and I've no idea what I can do about it. I can't be around folks all the time. That would mostly distract me from doing whatever work I need to do.

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I went to the bookstore, to the Sahaja meditation. Apparently it's a type of Yoga, one that does mainly meditation and not the type that does postures. During the meditations they refer to the kundalini as mother. It was interesting. Think I'll go back again. Though next weekend is the mind-body-spirit fair. I did ask my twin to go with me. She had told me I missed it , I got off the buss stop or 2 past it and walked there. Some of the areas had bad vibes, i guess low vibration. Felt very icky.

Looks like if I get use to the folks there I may have a 2nd thing i do every week. every thursday go to the rpg group, the 2nd would be every sunday to either do the sahaja Meditation, or the mind-body-spirit fair. Nice group but it doesn't feel like many of them, but maybe 1 person, I could be friends with, but acquaintances that only do that would be ok too.

Wonder if any folks around here are into any of the things i'm into.

It feels like thinking in words is a bother, a bad habit I want to break. Though i feel like I'm not any good at it.

I may try just walking around to get out of the apartment, as odd as that is. Still wish i had some friends I could talk to or hang out with occasionally, but no way to find any that I can think of, and how long will this feeling of loneliness last, it sucks. My twin does talk to me a bit but she's not around a lot. Shad was always giving comments or talking to me a bit at unexpected times. The mental Shad barely talks. not sure if he is my imagination, if I have to keep willing him into existence or he can only exist in the space between thoughts.

i do wish I could get better at the space between thoughts. That feels more normal.

I may try 2 other types of yoga. the posture one to do as a type of moving meditation, and I may try kundalini also, to see how it feels, at least the bits I an find out about on youtube.

This loneliness sucks, how long will it last, and am I supposed to just take it easy, try out 2-3 types of yoga and mediating and nothing else but twiddle my thumbs?

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i feel mixed of ways. loneliness. Not sure what I want to o with the rest of the time this afternoon. maybe take a quick shower and a nap. also odd as it may seem i feel like my sex drive is both at the usual low, but also I feel the urge to have sex with her, odd as that seems. also missing shad still, that'll likely be there for the rest of this life.

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the sahaja meditation yoga thing did give out a handout of how to do the mediation that we did, plus some other stuff like a salt water foot soak before bed. I don't have salt so a plain water one will have to do. I'll have to read that in more detail. I just glanced through it. the main instructor commented on it a bit since a regular mentioned it. saying it helps to clear the first 3 chakras. I'll try all that, can't hurt. Though they were saying the kundalini is suposed to feel like a cool breeze. i're read it it's suposed to be more like heat.

I see why they don't call it yoga in the schedule thing since most would think they'll be doing various postures, when that is 1 type of yoga, not all yoga.

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Had an interesting experience a short time ago. Before I turned the pc off to shower and take a nap I did ask that dolphin guide half serious half not, "hey want to have some fun." and I got the serious feel reply of later. i figured he meant maybe later when I was fully awake.

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I lay down to take nap and went to the white buffer space thing to see if anyone would be there and if no one would I would practice meditating there.

I was pleasantly surprised to see Shad there, in the appearance of an anthro dolphin, as maybe i was, not sure what form I was in. We embarrassed, just hugged and kissed. Then after I'm not sure how long she appeared a short distance off and swam pu to us. Wish Shad commenting <censored> "I thought she was intense before" since the instant she appeared in the white buffered space we both knew it was HER, and the sexual desire that wasn't really there appeared fairly high I'd say roughly.

She asked if we boys wanted to have fun with a female phin, to use the furry community term for a furry dolphin, though she was in her usually non anthro dolphin form. Shad suggested we each take an end. He took her female part and i went to the front.

This continued for I'm not sure how long, a very pleasurable experience. Then unexpectedly the dolphin guide who I guessed is an aspect of the oversoul I'm part of appeared and swam up to me, saying that I did ask. I mentioned he said later and he said he was busy at that moment. he then embraced me from the side back and entered me (he felt fairly large to which he said something like you better believe it), increasing the pleasure. I'm not sure how long this went on for. Shad did comment to me he liked the fact he couldn't ejaculate like he would before.

No idea how long this went on for, but I started to feel lighter and lighter. The dolphin guide guy telling me to just relax. He said it a few times and i felt like i was floating. Then after a short bit I couldn't feel the sex sensations, just the floating. After a short bit i woke up. Decided to lay there for a bit since the first 3 chakras felt like they were resonating, some only slightly like the 3rd on, the 2nd very strongly, the kundalini resonating some also.

Not sure what to make of all this. I think I feel less lonely, but sorta kinda lonely since I'm here not with them. Missing Shad is ? mostly or all gone? Just an impression of sadness ? I don't feel I grieve him.


maybe a bit to much detail. But I don't like to leave anything out.
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also forgot to add, at some point when i was floating, or felt like I was I had flash of something. another me was talking to someone, can't remember what he looked like. The conversation was the other me telling the other guy how each of the chakras felt. This went on briefly then it was like something realized I was seeing something I shouldn't and poof it was gone and most of the memory of what was going on.
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I've been thinking about what Shinsoo said. It may be very true. Though why is the one that shares pleasure with me, as well as companionship, affection as well as loving, affectionate, & that they are a pleasure oriented species as wel. Could it be that it's restricted mainly to just my higher self, twin, guide who's an aspect of the oversoul I'm part of, and formly shad, Who currently does enjoy embrassing, hugging and often kissing too. Is it ristrected to these and not to the other immediate soul family members and any friends the soul I'm part for maybe several reasons?

Maybe to get me use to the concept, to my core. To get me use to my true being, aware more of my true self. Maybe help increase my awareness of myself and who and what I am. once I'm after a certain point will they join in? Or is there some sort of rule soul or oversoul said, not till this incarnation is over. I think maybe they may, but that may be later, maybe if I get to being full awakening, fully aware of being my soul.

I also wonder if the dolphins i saw are some or all of the same ones who I saw often in that place where they looked like balls of light, one of the upper planes or realms. Whatever the term is.

Could the sharing affection, pleasure, embracing pleaure loving, be resricted to higher self, my twin, shad (just embrases and shares afffection/love now it seems), and a guide who's an aspect of the over soul I'm part of be just to help increase my awareness of who and what I am, as i said above as well as get me use to the idea. Others may add complication? They may start sharing with me later on? Or is it that I've never asked them before? or a mix of these?

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I'll try the sahaja yoga stuff later, and tomorrow. Some bits of it tonight at least.

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Hmmm, was thinking & meditating slightly on what shinsoo said. could Soul be at it's core a type of dolphin. Though it has had many lives across I've no idea how many worlds and incarnated as varius sentient species. Though It could still be at the core a dolphin. Is oversoul the same. if soul and or oversoul is then that would mean I am at the core. not an earth dolphin but perhaps some sort of et dolphin or extra planar dolphin? is it possible? If it is so what would it mean? Any way to test this or find out?
soul at the heart a dolphin or dolphin soul? et or extra dimensional?