Monday [2-2]

I wonder if my higher self will be around as much before shad and I started to integrate or if it'll be around less since I guess I'll grow more aware of being it. though i won't integrate it like I did Shad so it's not the same. I don't think I'd grieve the higher self, since it will be around, just that talking to him mentally will be like talking to myself, though I'm sure in that buffer space thing we'll still embarrass and such. Maybe a sort of transition period were the guides are my higher self & twin flame, but the dolphin guy who's, I guess, a aspect of my oversoul may start coming in more as my higher self comes less. Just a guess.

Not sure if I did make shad like he is now, if My twin taught my subconscious how to do it or how. Also not sure why shad very seldom talks, maybe since he's a part of me, he doesn't feel the need much. It may also be when I talk to myself sometimes it is him but I don't notice. And or it may be that I'm not aware enough to know when he does talk, or it may be a mix of these.

Maybe since i want to be a separate soul identity with soul parent's memories, maybe that is why Shad does talk some. Maybe he needs to grow in his self awareness, if that makes sense, or maybe I do. Maybe both of us do. it could be if I was going to just remerge with soul then Shad wouldn't be talking at all after the full merging. This may be helping me to be more self aware, expand my awareness and teach me a bit of being a soul with aspects i can talk to and can talk back. It may be a mix of these, as i grow in self awareness and expand perhaps shad will as well. and or I'll learn to tell, that is shad and this is me, though sometimes I can tell since it was a thought i wasn't expecting, and at times Shad does instead of sending words just does the intent before the words.

I do need to keep practicing going between my thoughts during the day.

I may go to that qi gong for wellness. Though I'll miss half of the livestream I enjoy on Wednesdays. 1 Wednesday to see what it's like. if I go to all of the rest it's only 6 in total. if there is enough interest the person may do an ongoing. $10 a week isn't to much, though for an ongoing I may just not go for 1 a month. not sure if it goes ongoing if I'll make any friends or not. i guess in 6 weeks it's unlikely.


last night and this morning I think I may have successfully asked one of the dolphins I've seen in whatever that place is for and got a distance hug sort of thing, slight intermingle of energies. The feel of his energy is one I think I've felt before, but cant say is it family, friend? I can't say which. Did leave me with a good feeling all over. joy/love/companionship/closeness mixed in together. I say he since his energy does have a male feel to it. Is it normal that having done that just now it feels like my sex drive has shot up, from non existent to near normal peak?

maybe the reason they have not done this was I never asked and they were waiting for me to ask and be comfortable with learning about my true nature, this part of my true nature?
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So it seems maybe I may be going out say every thursday and sunday. 3 sundays a month the sahaja yoga, the toher the mind-body-spirit fair.  Maybe a few saturdays.  so maybe 2-4 times a week I may be going out, not bad.  Though I'd be home most of those days.  Though i don't want to go to overboard.  Take it a bit at a time.

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Had I think an interesting conversation with some of those dolphins.   I don't recall all the conversation perfectly but I'll try to summarize it.

I was thinking on the dolphins and dolphins kept poping up, was it since soul likes being a dolphin best, or the early formative incarnations/years as a young soul it was a dolphin on some other plane or world or something?

one of them then said that i'm a dolphin at my heart.  <remove the human programming and be your true dolphin self. >I asked if true if they would help, another said I'm a member of the pod, of course they'd help.  another said they'd move only at the speed I'm comfortable with. 

Finding it odd they used pod since i had read that dolphins are called schools and pods are orcas, I looked it up and found that for a group of dolphins either term fits, school or pod.  reading some of the rest of the page got humorous replies, when I read some of the purposes dolphins form a pod, when i got the the for mating word one of them said <without consequences> .  for hunting got the reply <for what?>  guess they don't hunt since they can easily get food easily.  for protection got the reply <from what, getting involved in orgies?  if you don't want to get involved in the occasional orgy hanging with us isn't a useful thing>   another <and sometimes not so occasional>

I asked if they'd like to have Shad as a member, <of course.> one said I then asked them if they knew Shad, <certainly.> I asked Shad if he'd want to be a member of the pod and I'll put what he said into pg. "cool. a lot of dolphins to have sex with." though he used a non pg word there.


i asked so where do you hang out.  <high astral and upper realms)  it then asked where do we hang out.  <upper astral and higher realms>


I jokingly asked, "so who is the alpha male." I got a number of humorous replies.  <all of us are.>  <today is my turn.>  <I have 3 days next week.> 

a part of me wonders if this can be true.  think i got a message from another one jokingly saying, <we'll make you believe.>
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Had an interesting experience.   Not sure what was going on but maybe some here does.   I lay down to take a nap.  To put it simply I think I was in that are where I had been before, the place where there are the multi colored crystal structures, or was it the white buffer space?  I can't remember.  i think not teh white buffer space.

The dolphin guy that seems to be a guide, and is an aspect of the same oversoul I'm a part of appeared a short distance from me and swam towards me.  I don't know why, guess feeling an intense love is normal. I felt an intense love for him and told him that I loved him.  He swam up close and we embrased.  it was then that I noticed that I was in what was like a non anthro dolphin body, but I still had binocular vision like humans have, or very similar. 

he told me to just relax and accept and experience the love I was feeling for him.  After a bit I started to feel very light, no idea why or what was going on.  When I started to ask him what was going on he told me to relax and accept the experience. 

As I recall we embrased like this the whole time, with my feeling light several more times.  The rest of the times I just accepted what was happening and experienced it, still no idea what was going on.  I felt it one last time just after i woke up. 

He mentioned they (meaning the pod) had some sort of, forgot exactly what he said, some sort of celebrion, something they wanted to do with me later, a party, I forgot his exact words, but something fun.

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Had some interesting experiences. Some of these were talking to the dolphin guide a few hours or less ago. Interesting in highlight of what I read on an email response and a yourspace.

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I asked him if he was a guide for the whole pod and i got the feeling that he couldn't really answer that. Now on reading Shinshoo's comment I think the reason why was he sees the whole pod, including himself as equals, companions, just he knows some stuff, is more experienced, and or a bit more aware, wiser then them so maybe that is why I felt he couldn't answer the question the way i asked it.

Not sure why but I asked the dolphin guide if he found me sexually attractive since I do find him. he said he did. I also asked if we could have some more fun and sharing later, he said sure. I mentioned I thought guides were not supposed to be into that sort of thing. To which he said we are both dolphins after all. On further questioning I find that he sees me as not just a fellow pod member but also a guide, less experienced them him, and just starting out, not a full guide maybe. He said then that I was helping and guiding people though I wasn't fully aware of it and sometimes wasn't aware of it at all. He then, I wasn't aware of when he started doing the dolphin equivalent of hugging, embracing, with me. it seemed so normal I never noticed when he had started. he then looked into my eyes and I was a guide, helping various people of various species, some incarnated. And thinking i was tempted to incarnate maybe too so I could experience some of what they were experiencing since some of it did look like fun. Then I became myself again. I asked if he had done that. he said yes, he let me see a bit of what being a guide is like for him and that i would be a full guide one day.

i then asked since i'm more spiritual I should just stop masturbating then. he said cutting back was one thing, skipping some days here and there is another thing, stopping totally would be denying my true nature. i then asked if he & the rest of my fellow pod members can teach me to put that energy to more constructive uses, to which he said we will help you to remember. I asked if he or one of them could heal or fix my eye problem and he said they would handle it later

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I also went to the white buffer space thing and saw Shad there. We mainly embraced, hugging each other. he looked like a dolphing, a white one I think as I recall. He asked if I wanted to do it for old time's sake, i asked if he really wanted to, to which he said no. we continued to embrace and share our love and affection for each other. Then without my knowing it he reached down to caressed my maleness to which my kundalini immediately started to resonate. I caressed both of his, he seems to like having 2 often.

I also asked Shad if he'd want to be a separate soul with my memories or if he'd prefer I waited till I merged with my twin flame first then maybe he could pick to have both our memories or just mine.  he said he liked that idea, he'd pick both of our memories. and he would like to experience being a separate soul with both our memories, mine and my twin, or i guess I should say our twin flame since he is a part of me now.  i had not seen our twin all day, but that is ok, she has been with me friday and the weekend as i was going through some stuff and I don't expect her to be around me all the time.  I mentally asked her if she'd be ok with that, us merging at some point then letting shad try being an individual soul with both our memories.  I got the impression of a smile, so I guess she agrees.  Shad then said, if he didn't like it he could always remerge with me later.  Which is true.  or he could re-merge for periods of time, then split off when he wants.

Been the dolphin guide today.  with bits of shad.  The dolphin guide, i assume it is, has sent me a few erotic images.

I tried the Sahaja yoga mediation they had in the handout and I did feel a coolness, though not fully.  Likely need to balance my chakras, and clear blockages.  i need to buy some stuff so I can do the foot soaking thing that is suposed to clear the first 3 chakras but I have none of that stuff.  I have nothing to soak my feet in, no salt, no way to light a candle.  Should get some candles too. 
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just accept, enjoy and go with the flow. A hard thing to remember to do.

A female pod member who looked likes like her color is green, an green dolphin, neat & unique. Or at least that is the mental image I got. I assume sent by her so I know what she looks like. Unusual color. It feels like she gave me a hug, nice. Some inner part of me somehow knew she was a healer, sort of like an instinctive knowing. No idea why but when I visualized touching her side with my hand my kundalini started to resonate. No idea what it means or why. I guess she sent me a hug to say hello, or the normal dolphin type thing. I asked and she was that same green soul I saw sometimes in that place where everyone looks like balls of colored light.

Funny thing is she refereed to me once during our conversation as sister. She said we had been sisters in a past incarnation. Interesting. I had assumed that soul had incarnated as both genders. Though I've usually been a male when I am with any of them, higher self, ect. The rest of the conversation if she refereed to me it was using sibling.

If I can live with the dolphins permanently, I can see maybe changing my gender. Not sure if I'd be male usually, all the time, or change based on my mood. Still not sure if I'll incarnate or not. I'll decide later. Higher self, I think a day or a few days ago, did mention that some souls in my position, who become independent souls with their soul parent or parent's memories choose to never incarnate again. he mentioned once i was over there fully my perspective may change, or it may not.

For some reason I found for a while I could turn on my kundalini resonating, or turn it off. I did that several times then left it on, thinking that a resonating kundalini means something positive.

Maybe odd, just now I had a sudden intense emotion that made my eyes water a little. Love/joy/contentment/togetherness sorta feeling just now thinking of the pod. Hard to describe the feeling but that is the closest I can.

Just a short time ago she , the green dolphin, gave me a pleasurable caress, no sex, just a caress.  She called me brother this time.  I visualized caressing her side.  i get the impression she enjoyed it.   I kidded with her about not making her (my twin) jealous.  She laughed.  Funny since I don't think my twin could be jealous, i know I would not be jealous if she was having fun with someone.  I think from now one I'll call the green dolphin sister or soul sister. Or green sister.  I guess she did it from where they normally hang out. I didn't know they could do that.  That is a pretty long distance.  Though i guess distance doesn't matter.


I asked the dolphin guide guy what do I need to do next and he said nothing.  Guess it's rest time for me, or they will be doing stuff behind the scenes or something.

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