Thursday [2-5]

I had 2 dreams. They both seemed to be lucid dreams. I'll put them here and copy/paste them to my

1: it felt like something very gently and lovingly grabbed me and pulled me somewhere into itself. Some instinctive knowledge told me oversoul. Not sure if that is true or not. It felt like it was very concentrated, powerful, pure love/joy/pleasure/calmness/contentment all at the same time. It felt like I was dissolving into this and yet remaining an individual. I could feel this all around me and inside me as well. A wonderful experience. I did try to send love to the oversoul, not sure if I did. No words were spoken and I never thought either during this as I recall. The feeling I mentioned before felt to powerful to potent for there to be thoughts. Looking back at the experience, I think part of me wanted to just dissolve into that, another part wanted to remain an individual. It was a wonderful experience. I do hope I can experience that again. I asked and oversoul seemed willing. Including the fact I don't want to be dissolved into it, but retain my being an individual. I asked just now if it can help me to one day get up to it's level of being and I think it said sure.


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2: The 2nd one I don't recall very much. It felt like some of the pod, or a few, and it seems we were all orcas, non anthro. It felt like a few were giving me a tour of some place. The colors were wonderful, vibrant. I was shown some things like something that I think is a type of thing like a holodeck in star trek Tng. a healing facility, where my treatments were done, including the crystal booth thing, here is where the dolphins you heard were doing what you call singing. maybe a park like place, not sure, and maybe other places, that is all I remember clearly.
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I seem to remember a scene.  I was soul and he was asking some guy that looks like a Tolkien elf, "so do you want to have some fun." or something like that.  I think they were doing something together, can't remember what, but just the impression.  The elf looking guy said, "sure, I do have a break coming up." or something like that.

Then they went somewhere and soul changed his size down to where he was he same size as the guy and he changed, I think, from an orca to a dolphin.  Then they shared, what some would call soul sex.  I do hope he was a close friend and not just some stranger soul asked that.  Again something I don't think I would do, certainly not a stranger.  Though maybe the pod's ways are more open and relaxed and there is more human programming & conditioning i have to loose.

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I was thinking about that examination and was wondering where that was, one of those ships I heard are around the earth or back where the pod is.  Someone said "ship." in my head, not sure who.  I guess it was higher self, soul, or maybe even higher self. 

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I think I'm going to give up trying to widen the space between my thoughts. I've been trying to do that type of mediation for over 20 years and have not gotten any better. The only time I can do that at all really, more then maybe a few seconds at a time, is doing some type of moving mediation. I'm just not evolved enough to do that. Likely can't and won't be. likely won't get to being fully awakened nor getting to 5d. If soul aspect or over soul wants me to get better at it and to get fully awakened or up to 5d they'll have to either force it on me, teach me or change me. otherwise I won't ever get there nor widen the space between my thoughts. It's annoying but what can on do if one has no ability to do that even after over 20 years of trying. if they want the space between my thoughts to get wider they'll have to teach me, force it, or put in chips that do that or make it where I can't think in words or something since I've not gotten any better even after 20-30 years. Though till recently i didn't know that is what i was doing. i sorta made up that mediation that is what one is supposed to be doing.

I just give up, **** it. better to just exist till this incarnation ends and have what fun i can from being here and from whatever mystical experiences I have, which are likely way out there.

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No idea who answered since I just asked in general, when this incarnation ends and if I'm likely just 4 of 5d, would I be stuck there or would I get pulled up to 6d by a pod member, someone said I'd be pulled up to that level, though likely it was just my imagination. Nice to think it would happen, but I guess there is some rule against it.

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plus my stuttering has not gotten any better. from before what Dryad did and today, it is better. I'd guess it's about 1/3 to 1/4 what it use to be, but not any better.

Also no matter the amount of chakra work i do nothing happens,so I'll quit doing that also. if they want the chakras to be improved they'll have to do that themselves. I give up and quit.
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Higher astral, doubt i can get that high once this incarnation is over. i do hope one of them does come orme, if any of them can get down to a 3d layer of reality, not sure if any of them can get that far and I doubt I'd ever get any better then 3d. I've really only had slight improvement in 32 years of being a mystic. the most i can say is I've had 3 non abiding awakenings, had implants re moved from my head and 2 put into my abdominal area. not much improvement there. I bet overall i'm less then any human walking around this world. and I should give up anyway, kundalini has given up. my stuttering has not gotten any better in weeks and maybe has slightly gotten worst.

Thanks for the kind words Shinshoo, though i know I'm not really aware. I've had no real improvements in 32 years of being a mystic. as for instigating an awakening, I can't do that. only soul can do a non abiding awakening, I can't do one and soul won't remove the veil completely so that is out. I'll just have to exit till this incarnation is over, however long or short that is. and hope the pod doesn't mind having a non aware dunce type as a member, I doubt they would mind really.

I'm glad I managed to get this eye patch to mostly fit. this distortion in my left eye is to much. and it does seem my stuttering has started to return. it's not as bad as it was, but I would not be surprised if it stayed like this, or if it worsened back to where it use to be, either one won't surprise me. I had thought it had gone or maybe my ability at speaking would improve, but I guess not.

as for being here for a good reason, not really. mainly it's just to anchor some sort of energy for the new indigo, and a side thing is to clear the mass subconscious or subconscious or whatever Matt calls it, and I doubt i am doing any of that.

I do wish i were even half aware, let along fully aware. I know I never will get to even half, but not everyone can get to half, let along to full awakening. i've had no improvements really. but not every being can be good at trying to improve themselves. I'll have to be satisfied being a dunce spirit wise and mystically. I bet my vibration is very low. not that I can do anything about it. I can't do anything about anything spiritually or mystically. I must be the most dunce aspect of the soul i'm part of. imagine me as a seperate soul, that is a ....... I doubt I could even qualify for that being as much of a dunce i am having no improvement in over 3 decades of being a mystic.

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I've been doing the breath of fire and don't feel anything. I guess since I'm not evolved enough as a soul or individual. Been trying to watch Matt's video on raising your vibration. it's all gibberish stuff to me. he should ask or hire someone to watch his videos then put out their own that simplify what he talks about down to kindergarten level. Since his videos are for doctorate types, not kindergarten types like me.

focus on what I do right, Matt says in his videos. what do i do right. Send mental messages to certain pod members and currently get a reply from I've no idea who and won't identify who it is that answers. all it says is pod. and it does say no when I ask if the pod has a hive mind I wan't nothing to do what that. It did say they would elp in areas I know i need help in and areas I don't. though I think it's all just my imagination and not any of them contacting me since I've not had a single mystic experience since this morning. Maybe due to the breath of fire. I should maybe stop doing that and see if i go back to haveing mystic experiences again since the Breath of fire may be killing the link I have with certain pod members. Likely since I'm not evolved enough to really be doing any kundalini yoga since my own kundalini has given up and gone back to sleep and total dormancy where it is at the throat level.

Likely it's due to my being to much of a dunce, stupid, ect, to be able to tell who is talking to me since it usualy sounds just like my own mental voice. Very occasionally I'll get a distinctly female sounding voice but that is very rare. Or maybe i'm just insane or imagining the whole thing.


I would have liked to get to at least half awakened, preferably full awakened but neither will ever happen. Certainly how can I ever become fully awakened, I'm almost 50 and not very spiritually evolved at all. So no hope there, and my chakras are all in terrible shape. after all i'm just an aspect, not even a full individual. imagine someone like me as an individual soul, terribly unevolved and a dunce, to put it nicely.

I only exist to anchor some sort of energy for the new wave indigo folks. If not for that needed mission i wouldn't even exist. so my only reason for being here really is just to exist so the new wave indogo folks have whatever energy they need to do their stuff. Not very much, but I guess its' the best someone like me can do.

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I'm going to quit trying to improve or anything since I never do get any better so i quit. I'll just exist till this experience as an incarnation is over.

I tried focusing on what I do right but it doesn't do anything since I don't do much right. I may have to quit watching Matt's videos since his asking does it make sense is annoying since he cant here the folks who say no, it doesn't make sense.

Tried reading matt's Facebook page. none of his posts made any sense to me, not that he would care though i said that on the comments. I'm sure he'll think it's a troll or some dark evil soul trolling his facebook page and will ignore it, if he read the comments which I highly doubt he does.

I'm just going to quit this mystic stuff. I've seen no improvement in 32 years.

Wish i were an evolved soul, fully awake, and a member of some high dimensional pod of dolphins and or orcas. and this stuff I'm i was getting was real, though even if it were true i would still be an almost nothing, not evolved at all and having no improvement in 32 years is a very sad thing. a sign of that sort of low grade soul that i am, low grade aspect at least. Not that is surprises me. what would be surprising is my being a high evolved soul, or an aspect of one. though the way I am here that is impossible. if i were an aspect of a highly evoked soul I'd now it and would not have gong 32 years with no improvement at all. I'm the same mystically and spiritually as i was 32 years ago. the only difference is I have 32 years more living experience. I wonder if that is why the soul I'm part of put me here, this is the only place I'm good enough for, and here with the veil I'm not aware of it so it can be done with me at least for the most part.

I'll just give up since I can never hope to evolve at all. if I had any hope to I would have become fully awake after less then 32 years.

32 years and no real improvement, what a crappy aspect of a soul I am. Very crappy. to put it nicely. i quit, if after 32 years of trying and nothing happens, there is no hope. I'll just give up trying, wanting, even having any hope and just exist. doubt someone like me can even rate being an individual soul. likely I'll just be absorbed back into the soul I'm part of, this lowering it's evolution overall.

i asked twice if there is any hope of me evolving and got 2 answers. the first time I got <no.> the 2nd time <no/yes>. so the majority is there is no hope, just a slight one, which I've not seen in 32 years.

I asked what hope is there of me evolving and got <none>. that is 3 against the 1 so very slight which is not possible after 32 years of nothing. so that no, no and none is right. if I had any chance I'd have seen it by now. I'd be fully awake and aware after 32 years. so quitting i the right thing to do. to which I get <yes.> so I'll do that. just exist till this incarnation ends, whenever that is, which I do hope is not ot long, but how knows. I may live to the be world's oldest man.

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