Tuesday [2-17]

I half jokingly asked her if I could call her mom.  I didn't expect a reply, though she did say, <that would be appropriate.>  Still not to use to when I connect with her mentally I feel a very intense energy that intermeshes with the top half of my head, that's the only way I can describe what it feels like.  I did ask about the insectoid mental image I got and all she's say was <it could be a past life, a soul friend I have maybe.> 

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I asked her a few questions.

Why the bugging me to project?  <it's time for you to start projecting.  Also we want to see and examine the light body to see if any find tune adjustments need to be made.>

I've tried and can't do it at all.  if you want me to you'll have to tech me yourself. <I'll see if I can make arrangements for that.   It seems your development level isn't at a sufficient level for your instinctive soul knowledge to be enough.> 

and how to deepen my mediation too.  <i'll add that to the list.  perhaps your new guide can help with one of those.> 

Isn't us having some fun, or sharing unethical if I a soul descendant or one of your kids at the soul level? <no rules against it and one can say to help with soul cohesion and development it's not only encouraged but is required to, at certain minimum levels.  besides my views on sharing are shared with those of the pod, so no problems there, them being the same.  Plus it would give you certain positive benefits, at the soul and vibrational levels and aspects.>

Interesting, guess I have to wait till I'm back home with the 6d pod since it would be to intense or something.  <not that long I think, looking at the projected readings of your present development level.>

 that chip that was put into my abdominal somewhere by Dan?  <it does make certain things, much easier.  Easier for the 5d ship technology then me, but I can make use of that.  Where I normally reside technology isn't of to much use anymore.> 

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wonder how messed up i am.  did some qi gong and slipped right into, without noticing into not thinking for a decent amount of time.  can't fully do it since i still have to remind myself what movement comes next since I've not been doing the movements long enough for it to have moved to kenetic memory, that'll take who knows how long. 

yet that doesn't help my sitting mediation.  Likely due ot my being so messed up.  and I can't project, likely due to being messed up.

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So will I remember any of the lessons?  <some of them, some need to be done with your subconscious for certain lessons and those you likely won't remember, at least not till you are on this side of things.  > 

I don't think I'd want to incarnate again, especially not in anything this dense.  <a natural feeling and you are correct it's not just some frustration but a more soul level feeling.  Once one gets up to where the pod is few want go that dense without a good reason.  and being a 6d native, so to speak, makes compounds it.  I say so to speak since as a new soul, technically you are a 6d native, but you have chosen to keep the accumulated wisdom alternate parallel lives ect that the soul you were once part of has done in the past. > 

How is that possible, for an incarnate to go from being an extension of a soul to being a new/old soul and an external aspect of what was my soul's parent?  <it gets very technical explaining that.  If you don't remember that I'll be willing to start teaching you at some later point, but the real you knows how that is possible, at least at the instinctive level.  >

<that being instinctive knowledge.>

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Had another encounter with who I call NG. He wanted me to try once again. This time he seemed confused why I couldn't project, saying stuff like all the readings he's getting says I should be able to, and everything checks out. Something to do with the chip Dan put into me a few weeks ago I'd guess. he put it somewhere in my abdominal area.

I think he said he'd look into it, not sure if he did or not, but diffidently he seemed confused why I couldn't, everything on the readouts he was looking at says I should be able to. I said likely either the light body the made is falty or I'm not evolved enough of a soul to project. and he said no, it's not that. I did say with some slight annoyance hopefully he and the others will stop bugging me to project when I can't.

Bunch of jerks, put put it as nicely as I can. Hope they stop bugging me to do something when I can't do it till I'm either more evolved of a soul, or this body dies. that is the only way I can project, and the 2nd one is a 1 way thing that will eventually happen. I wonder if this was enough to get them the message or do I need to start punching them in the face mentally to get the message across?

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Had an experience that got me fairly angry. the new guide asked me to try to project again. he seemingly can't grasp that I can't project. he asked again and I got pretty mad saying if you think it's so easy to project given my low development level as a soul then you incarnate in this dense world. he said he knows what it's like. I doubt that. I then went to her to ask her to get him to stop bugging me since they seem to want me to project but won't teach me how to.

I then said maybe she should be my only guide and she said that maybe is best, for the near future till they can find out why I can't project. She said she would look into why they keep bugging me and won't teach me. hope all 3 of them will leave me alone, since they seem to refuse to believe I can't project. I'd say my opinion of them but that would not be a g ratted comment. My current opinion and feeling of them would, as my grandmother would say, would make a sailor blush.

I hope that means she has a high enough rank to get them to leave me alone. I've no idea why they are obsessed with me projecting and that I can when I can't.

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I asked Chad and he said he'd teach me how to reach a primal rage so I could telepathically send that at them if they try to contact me till this is resolved, except for her.  he doesn't like their attitude any more then I do.  Though he things she is cool, I think his term.

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I do wish I could project, but having guides bug me to try to project does NOT help any and gets me really mad.

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She asked me to try twice more.  1 laying down on my back and again laying on my stomach.  She wanted to see if there were any differences and asked if i was sure I could not project at a certain point in both. 

I commented that I was glad they had not kept bugging me about trying since they seem obsessed.  She said she's see into why they are obsessed with keeping trying to get me to project.  I then said i guess you won't tell me why and she said likely not.  i then said I'm glad you're not obsessed with me projecting and she said she's above such petty things. 

Nice to go a few hours with no guides asking me to try again to project, are you sure you can't.  It's peaceful again.  <censored> obsessed jerk guides.  Guess that means she does rank above them if she can get them to lay off of me.  Nice.

What I have now is no projection and a resonating body.  
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got a brief message from the new guide (ng I call him). Though the way he kept at me before to keep trying to project I bet it was a fake apology. the other 2 are to stubborn to apologize. the jerks.

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I tried another method of astral projection. again all I got was the same vibration/resonance, and nothing. it feels like they are holding up my development till I can project. will I can't, I'm not advanced enough or developed enough of a soul so I can't. I can feel this is why they are holding back on doing anything else. Since they refuse to teach me how to project I'm going to start having chad teach me how to access the most primal rage and send that at those <censored> guides to see if it'll get them off of their <censored> to acknowledge I can't project so that'l have to be taken out of the plan for my development of embodying as much of my soul self as I can in this incarnation. I'm annoyed at them. I can feel it'll turn into anger and rage before to long.

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and the distortion in my left eye is so bad I'll wear my eyepatch tonight.

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I wonder if sam was an aspect or not. He seems gone. Oh well. Nothing I can do about that.

Nice to not have guides bugging one to project, try to project one more time. Though 2 of them are not speaking to me at the moment, Dan and Stan, at least the new guy is. he did apologize for bugging me to try to project. He was sure I could and still has no idea why I can't. But we've agreed to not talk about that. Not much else for us to talk about. I did ask about my reptilian soul heritage he was going to teach me, but he said my projecting was part of it, I wonder why. eh, no biggie. He did say for one of his pastimes he likes watching some earth tv. I do wonder why my being able to project seems so important for my mystic spiritual progress, the next phase or something. eh, maybe a thing i'll never find out.

Seems my spiritual and mystic progress is put on hold due to those 2 wanting me to project and they won't allow things to progress till I can, and they are to stupid or dimwitted to understand that I can't project and they refuse to teach me. I'll let this go for a day or so. Then see if I can ask her for a temporary guide or 2. To work alongside NG.

Looks like i still may have bits of me that fears the night, sorta kinda. i wonder what that is, bits of the inner child. No idea what to do about that. i send the inner child love, with that group hug thing I do regularly, when I remember to do it. it's a quick thing.

I did a quick hug, including Chad, my inner child and some spots for others in-case there are other aspects i don't know of. Sam didn't seem to be there. Wonder if Sam left or something else happened. Maybe something I'll never know. One of those mysteries. along side why i cant project. what is this lightbody thing? why do I like dolphins, dragons, orcas and certain reptilians, dinos, and other mysteries.

Today was a big dud for mystic and spiritual stuff. i wonder if since I can't project those 2 will put a big permanent stop to my progress. no idea how to embody more of my soul self myself. no idea how to get more of my true soul self into this fragile dense human body. maybe this is as far as I can go and I can't go any farther. No biggie. though if I have any say, i just don't want to incarnate. not since I hate it or hate being here. but this me just feels no desire for incarnating. What is the big draw? I don't feel it. The soul I was once part of, I guess, liked it, but I don't see the draw nor the desire. Guess when I had to split off and became a new/old soul, something in this me is different.