THURS [2-19]

Tried a free short cellular activation guided meditation thinkie on the orin and daben website and i did feel some sort of warm energy entering into my body, can fee it now, unless it's all psychosomatic. it feels like a warm fuzzy sort of energy, only way I can describe it.

maybe a good sign I should start getting their VERY expensive awaken the light body course, the first part anyway, can't afford the rest till later.

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 felt like this body was resonating from the chest down, no idea why. Maybe that short guided mediation I did earlier or the body decided to resonate because it felt like it maybe. Still have the annoying distortion in my left eye, and felt like maybe the resonating didn't include my neck nor head. Also had a bit of pain in the same upper left back spot.

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Think I"ll get the $89 Awakening The Light Body Course tomorrow. Hopefully that'll help me to continue to develop spiritually and mystically. Since I have no other way to develop or learn and no help. Very Expensive but at least that is available.

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Strongly dislike only way for me to evolve spiritually is having to buy expensive courses, but I have no other option. I have no help in this area, especially no non corporal help and no guidance at all. Makes me very mad, and likely a bit sad too. But with no other options I have no other choice.

And I bet I,ll. Never get to evolve and will have this left eye distortion for good. Earth is a nasty place. Wonder why I was abandoned jerks and lets those fakes were and using me to get their bullies like I said above.

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Had fun at the rpg today. While there I felt a warm inner love. Maybe part of my being. Though none of 'them' contacted me, good thing. They are all liers and nasty teasers so they've gone on to other people to tease and lie to.

Tomorrow I'll get the course, I have scrounged enough to get the 1st course. Doubt it'll do any good but it'll be better then just twiddle my thumbs here waiting or this incarnation to end.

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and sense I can only depend on me, may as well. No one else is going to help me. 

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Have a bit of a headache. Its likely either caused by not enough water being drunk today, or perhaps more likely being outside my apartment which means I got to much light, even despite my wearing to shades over my eyes. Having light sensitive eyes is annoying, luckily I have some iboprofen I can take that works.


again nothing spiritual or mystical, but that should change once I pay for that expensive course. I wonder why the souls we're part of make it so hard and so expensive to develop spiritually, and why it's such a huge secret. Seems like a very unfair system. I wonder if it is even possible for us to evolve spiritually and as souls ourselves. 

and with no support system as well.   a very unfair system. 

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No idea why souls are so money hungry and secretive, or just secretive, nasty joke playing.  I just hope that Orin & Daben are honest enough that when i do pay for their very expensive courses that they'll have some secrets I can learn to evolve spiritually.  I won't get far but at least I'll have some meager advancement instead twiddling my thumbs waiting for this incarnation to be over , then fighting if I have to to not be forced into another incarnation. 

and mine won't help me at all.  Maybe this is some sort of test.  as long as I continue to pay out money to some other soul and pay it or them lots of money they and mine will help me to evolve.  pretty messed up system, but what can you do, not like we can change the system.
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Headache almost gone, great. Though i still have this distortion in my left eye and pain in my upper left back. Those will be with me for life, but at least my headache is almost gone. The left eye distortion, when it is at it's worst I can just put on an eyepatch I have, though getting it to fit isn't easy. and at least the upper left back pain comes and goes so is not always there. Sort of like my stuttering, which has returned full force, but at least it comes and goes. that is a plus.

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 I was thinking of the Stellar nations book, not sure why.  Surely if it were true then there would be other sources of information that had that.  it's like saying that there can be only 1 source of info for the geography and history of the earth, plainly not true.  If it were real then various true channelers would have been putting out the same information in the past.  I doubt there is even life on other worlds in this dimension. and I have my doubts of other dimensions having other then human life, as sad as that is.  Must be pretty barbaric since if you look at humans the vast majorty are barbaric savages, to put it nicely.  Though there are some exceptions.

Some would say if there were aliens there would be proof here.  But I disagree, if I were a non human life form I would stay as far away from this dark savage barbaric would as I could.  Some others talk about things like dracos, though I doubt they really exist, I bet if they do they are at least 50 if not 90% of what looks like humans. as barbaric and savage as humans are, it would not surprise me, and earth is , by my classification, a dark world overall, with tiny exceptions here and there.  If I were to cast a vote, I'd say save the very very few non dark savage barbaric humans and let the others live in the barbaric savage darkness that they love.  or if that were not possible, then I'd vote to quarantine the whole Sol system and let nothing in or out.  The dark barbaric savage humans will kill themselves sooner or later.  and once they have and are confirmed extinct.  I'd come in, repair the ecosystem, and give the world to another species, or open it up for some other purposes.  maybe 1 purpose per continent.

as a species I'd say there is no hope for humans, though there are for a very few exceptions, but the majority of the dark savage humans damn the rest who live here.

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I wonder if he Qi Gong does any good.  I'll keep doing it for a while longer to see if I can get the movements to kinetic memory to see if it does give me more spaces between my thoughts.  though I may be to stupid to get it to kinetic memory.

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I tried that cellular activation free guided mediation.  thought I felt a feeble warmth through most of my body, got a slight headache from it, and from the waist down there was a brief resonating from some reason.  Perhaps a good sign the very expensive course will work, though only very very feebly, but very very feebly is better then not at all.

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Did the light body activation + crystal chakra cleansing. Feel a bit better, but also out of it as well. my body from the waist down was resonating through most of it. from the waist up it started to slightly when I got to certain chakras like are in the meditation. Then it felt like needles were jabbed into my skin, the sensation remained here for the rest of the meditation, never felt that before. felt some sort of dense energy body inside this body. From the neck up the resonating was very very feeble and didn't last long. Also through part of it I saw what looked like an image in front of my eyes but not what she was describing. It ws the size of a postage stamp so could not see the image very well, because it was small and I could not see details. That was well before she got to the 3rd eye chakra. Also when she was going through the chakras I kept loosing consciousness for a few seconds at a time, not sleepy though.

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