WED [2-18]

Wonder if I can get some temporary guides since 2 of the main guides and I are not on speaking terms. Should be possible. and maybe a not so temporary case if things do work out with them. since the first 2, Stan and Sam seem obsessed with me projecting when I can't. NG at least did apologize so I'd want him included with my new guides. Though I'd guess he's new to being a guide and I may be the first person he's a guide for.

I asked and she said she'd make arrangements and it is unfortunate, meaning the current relationship between me and the first 2 guides of dan and stan. I still wonder what happened to sam, I guess he left and went back to wherever he came from, oh well. She also said she'd let the species of the new temporary guides be a surprise, and she'd take into account my personality, theirs , their outlook and such. I did ask for NG to be included since i don't mind being the first person he's a guide for, as long as he has some experienced guides to give him tips and guidance. since it can be a learning experience for us both. and who knows, he and i may become decent friends in time.

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been doing some kundalini yoga for 2 weeks or more, but not getting anything out of it.  So not sure if I'll continue or not. Same with the sahaja yoga.  maybe either yoga is useless to me, or i'm not evolved enough for it to be only good.  another idea is maybe yoga only works for human souls, which I am not. 

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woke up again and same resonating/vibration thingie, all over, still was unable to get out, though it was not due to belief. I kept my belief neutral, thinking that this time I'd succeed, but was not able to.

Ng has no idea why I can't project. he said everything he can look at shows that I should be able to do so now. the light body is complete, as far as the instruments he can look at say. He just sorta shrugs, maybe even after all this time they still don't understand the human body enough that I could project. a pity he says since he'd like to, along, with certain other individuals, to see if the light body they made for me needs any fine adjustments, fine tuning, sorts of things, to use english expressions, but part of that requires me to project and them not to just pull me out since that would spoil those readings.

Hope if I do get new guides they can take into account I can't project and will be stuck in this body till it dies , and can get on with the next steps of seeing if i can embody more of my soul, my true self in this body.

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I don't see how humans stand being such a dense place as this. One can't do anything here hardly.  It is so limiting.  How can they stand it?  Everything is also so heavy here.  The body especially.  it's like a lead rock. 

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That is likely why my light body is trapped and can't get out and I can't project. This physical body is to dense to allow projection at all.

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Can't project and can't deepen my meditation either.  NG is puzzled why i can't do either since is readouts show that I should be able to do both.  he did try to teach me to deepen my mediation but it didn't work.

before this he mentioned a new guide would be just listening in on our conversation and looking over my file before he introduces himself.  No idea what he will look like.  Maybe something non human. 

I do wonder why I'm unable to project astrally, light body or whatever I supposedly can project and why I also cant deepen my meditation either.   likely something about me totally messed up, malformed, mutated or just bad. 

NG said he would try to teach me to project but he has no idea how to do that himself.  I wonder what is wrong about me that i can't deepen my meditation and also can't project either.  and also why there is this top secret thing about the light body.  I can't find out much beyond the term light body. and the only way to find out more is to start taking 1 of 5 courses that will cost $100 each, which is way outside my price range  I can afford.

Something about me is messed up somewhere.  maybe at the soul level and that is why their instruments can't detect anything.

Can't project and can't deepen my mediation.  sure signs i'm not a high d soul at all.  since a high d soul could do all that stuff easily. 

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Did some Qi Gong. I got a feeling part way through them of my slightly resonating, no idea why.


I still wonder what about me is so messed up that I can't project my light body nor deepen my meditation.

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Tried a guided mediation to astral project That claims it has brain wave technology and yet another huge dud. i did ask NG if he wanted to take readings before it and he did. I wasn't able to finish the mediation since it is over an hour and about half way through ti's like everything gave up and all the resonating and stuff stopped. Whatever the energy or light body is it is paralyzed or stuck/trapped inside this physical body and can't move unless i move my physical body.


NG did say he was getting wonderful readings, but all still inconclusive since they all still say i should be able to project, just step out of my physical body,but I can't and he can't see any reason why. wonder why the name Trev popped into my name now, no biggie. He says he wishes he could show me the readings to show me what he means.

it can't be paralyzed since i can't move it with my mind. if it was just paralyzed but not stuck inside this dense body then I could just move it around with my mind and teleport where I wanted to go, but I can't do that either. therefore something keeps it stuck in the physical body. I'd not be surprised if it was either faulty made, despite what NG says that it is properly made and functioning from his readings. or something is wrong with me at the soul level. either way I give up. i don't see why projecting was so <censored> important and why they can't just yank me out if it is so important, but doing that would spoil the readings they need.

and any more spiritual progress will stop since they refuse to bring me to the ship since that would spoil their precious readings they need that need me to leave the body myself, so no more treatments for me.

what a bunch of <censored> <censored> <censored> <censored>

honestly if it were possible, and I don't believe in walk ins, I'd volunteer to be one to get out of here, back home and let someone who wants to be here to walk into this body. Then I'd be out of here, able to quit whatever <censored> organization this is and so I won't be forced or tricked become an independent soul since as a external aspect the soul I'm an external aspect of can force me to incarnate again, or trick me into it.

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Someone in another thread said what i need to do is not astral projection since my kundalini has risen through the top of my head and I am in whatever 5th samadhi is, whatever that is, but what I need to do is light body projection which is not possible here since it is too dense here. and no one here can teach that.

Listened to a show that had Treb on it, channeling seems like a neat thing. Think I'd prefer the trance type so that way none of me would get in the way or mess up the other being. it would be just them. like in the Seth books. Jane goes who knows where. and sometimes she could recall bits of where she was, but I think often not.

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Thought that is not my path. my path seems to be just sitting here waiting till this body dies. since i CAN"T project and they WONT do anything till I can project and they refuse to teach me.

what a bunch of <censored> that they are.
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Went to Qi Gong class. It was good. I enjoyed it. Though I was the only student there, so I had a private class. That done there are just 3 more and that is it. At least i had these and there is youtube.

My stuttering seems to have returned about the same as it was before.

And I think I"ll need to seriously think of saving up to buy those expensive courses, though I really can't afford them. Oh well.

Looking it over it'll be WAY more expensive then I at first thought. Each course is divided up into 6 parts and you have to pay for each part. The download version is a bit under $100, So the first course will take me a year to gradually get it. very very expensive & it'll leave me with very little spending money, but that is my only option for any further spiritual development since those <censored> former guides and others are likely having a great laugh at what they did. Get me to this level, tell me lies like now is a good time to project, I need to project. they can't help pull me out since I need to do it myself so they can see if my light body needs any fine tuning or adjustments. What a <censored> <censored> <censored> . I was angry at them before, now it may well be turning to hatred. I want nothing to do with any of them and their so called pod. bet I'm not even a real member and am just a human soul, those <censored> <censored> <censored> <censored> .