Did some light meditation this morning.
does feel like I may have my unicorn horn still, or something. It does
feel that somewhere near the center of my forehead at the skull level
something is anchored there, some weight and the horn I can feel a inch
or a few inches in front of that spot, behind that the feeling fades so I
can't tell how long it is.
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On the way home from the grocery store I was sitting and resting while
listening to a podcast while waiting for the bus driver to get on the
bus and it felt like I could feel some sort of warm love type energy
being or something overlapping where I was sitting, sort of like it was
half where I was and half behind me. No idea what to make of it.
---------------------
it seems that being awakened, ascended, or whatever is not for everyone but only a few special people since I can't widen the space between my thoughts more then a few seconds, exactly like when I was 15. and the idea mentioned to me of stepping back and seeing my thoughts written on a board, I had them written on a computer monitor screen, words or images, only works , at most, for a second or 2 then I'm back to normal.
I guess whatever home is is denied me for likely millions of years. since I'm not one of the special folks, and not anymore enlightened, awake, ect then I was 10 or 20 years ago.
guess that means I'm imprisoned on this alien planet here for millions of years.
I've also completely lost all ability to communicate with any non corporal. so i'm back to ground zero literally. Guess they lied when they took out the chips saying i don't need them any more, when I did. Since I lost the ability to project first, then the ability to communicate recently. The ability to project being lost may be done by one of those things they put into me , that chip that they claimed is for letting them monitor the progress, and the other thing they lied and said is to release light into me at timed releases, and if they were not taken out after they had served their purposes they would be absorbed, like more lies since I lost the ability to project totally and now the ability to communicate at all. Likely tricks and lies of theirs to keep me imprisoned on this alien world.
---------------------
it seems that being awakened, ascended, or whatever is not for everyone but only a few special people since I can't widen the space between my thoughts more then a few seconds, exactly like when I was 15. and the idea mentioned to me of stepping back and seeing my thoughts written on a board, I had them written on a computer monitor screen, words or images, only works , at most, for a second or 2 then I'm back to normal.
I guess whatever home is is denied me for likely millions of years. since I'm not one of the special folks, and not anymore enlightened, awake, ect then I was 10 or 20 years ago.
guess that means I'm imprisoned on this alien planet here for millions of years.
I've also completely lost all ability to communicate with any non corporal. so i'm back to ground zero literally. Guess they lied when they took out the chips saying i don't need them any more, when I did. Since I lost the ability to project first, then the ability to communicate recently. The ability to project being lost may be done by one of those things they put into me , that chip that they claimed is for letting them monitor the progress, and the other thing they lied and said is to release light into me at timed releases, and if they were not taken out after they had served their purposes they would be absorbed, like more lies since I lost the ability to project totally and now the ability to communicate at all. Likely tricks and lies of theirs to keep me imprisoned on this alien world.
------------------------------------------
I should just give up since I am not one of the special ones. I'll be trapped and imprisoned on this alien world for millions of years if not forever. I'm no more enlightened then I was 10 or 20 years ago and have no abilities at all, not even to communicate or project anymore. May as well just exist since I'll be here for millions of years if not forever imprisoned on this alien world.
Not that anyone is reading this but me, but it is an outlet so why not use it as such.
-----------------------------------
Still no idea what to do. Still at ground zero. No ability to project nor communicate. So I'm totally alone. I'll redo the first part (of 6) of awakening the light body, and repeat the 1st part through the last day in march. No idea what else to do. I'm only doing this since it gives me something to do and passes the time. I won't part 2 since I've given up on spiritual and new age stuff. Awakening, ascension, whatever term you want to use is only for the few special folks and I'm not one of them. I've given up totally. I'll be trapped here till the sun engulfs the earth billions of years from now and likely by then i'll be forced into another prison as bad as here or worst. I'll be forced from one prison incarnation to the next forever, or however long souls exist. My only real hope is there is no life after death then when this life is over, poof, out like a light, but likely that is not true and I'll be forced from one prison into the next forever. All I can do is just exist till this body dies, then I'll be forced into the next prison, on and on, forever. what a <censored> existence but that is all it is for me.
-------------------------
Did the 3rd meditation of awakening the light body par 1 (of 6) like usual left me feeling very thirsty when it's over , no idea why. Overall it was an average to below average experience. Of the first 1 light body energy centers, felt like they didn't respond as much as before. Maybe an off day, maybe I've slipped backward instead of progressing forwards, maybe they can't hold anymore and I need to go a week or whatever not doing these, wither listening to the audio or not.
---------
the neighbors playing music where I can here it, for over the past hour, is annoying, but nothing I can do about that.
----------------
I was thinking before, and perhaps best to just try to get unemotional about being here, since I'll be here in this prison world forever, being shoved into one body prison to the next, never to leave this prison ever. Since there is no hope of reaching enlightenment, awakening, or whatever the term is, and no hope if ever being allowed out of this prison world since I'm not one of the special ones I should just be unemotional about being here. Since I'll be in this prison world forever. Shoved into one prison body to the next. Never to leave ever. it would make existing tolerable, being unemotional about it. cant enjoy being here. The world is just to icky feeling, to loud, to cold usually, at times to hot, way to light and bright, except at night, then the car headlights are way to bright, these prisons they call bodies that exist within this prison world feel like they weigh millions of pounds. breathing does feel like a lot of work, though it is automatic. Though my breathing isn' any harder then anyone else. I have to take ginko or I'll get lots of migraines. This body is intolerant to many many types of foods.
Those so called guides and such just toy with us here who are trapped and imprisoned inside these bodies inside this prison world, forever. Perhaps we only exist for their sinister amusement.
---------------------------------
Not sure how long, or if I can ever, get to where I am neutral about being here trapped in this prison body in this prison world. it may take days, weeks, years, or maybe I''ll never get to that point.
I will continue to do it since I'm imprisoned in this prison body, in this alien prison world, as horrible as this alien prison world is. I"ll be here forever, shoved from one prison body into the next, and once the sun engulfs this horrible alien prison world I'll be forced into another prison body in some other horrible alien prison world. I bet this has been going on since before the earth could support life. That world died and I was forced into a new horrible prison world, this one, once it could support life enough to be a new prison for me. No idea why those sinister beings do it, and toy with us for their own sinister fun. I'll likely never know. but if I can get unimotional about being in this horrible alien prison world in this horrible prison body. It may be easier to exist till this horrible prison body dies nd I'm shoved into the next one. and likely remove some of their sinister fun since I'll be unemotional about all of it. Though that means likely they'l end this body's life since in the next oen I'll be starting over again and likely won't remember to be unemotional about it.
If there is anything like enlightenment, ascension, awaking, or whatever it's called, its' for the very special few, which i am not. they toyed with me for decades, even with the chips,then when they started to tire of me removed the chips, toyed with me a bit then tossed me to the side. They'll likely pick up when they get new ideas of what sinister fun to have with me. Though hopefully by then I'll be unemotional about it and they'll leave me faster. They only let their special chosen leave this prison, and their special chosen are awarded and given ascension, awakening, ect, or they are like matt kahn, one of the sinister jailers having fun with us here. his smile was very snister and mawking. Me, I'll never be free. I accept that and have been working on being unemotional about it. about being trapped in this horrible prison alien body in this horrible alien prison world.
------------------------
and those lies. I bet I'm not even part orca, dragon, unicorn or dolphin. perhaps some other monstrosity instead. and Mirabelle has likely forgotten bout me by now, since she does have scores of lovers. fake twin flame sure does I'm sure since she's not really contacted me in a long time and doesn't' care about me at all. she was one of the fakers toying with me for her own amusement
------------------------------
I still dislike being here quite a bit. But I am closer to the being neutral to being here. Since this place is an eternal prison for me, and when it is no longer habital by these flesh prisons i'll be forced into others forever, I may as well get neutral to being in a flesh prison since I'll be in them in these flesh prisons and prison worlds, forever.
The only plus is those sinister beigns who pretended to be guides, my twin flame, mirabelle the unicorn mare, have no interest in me currently so maybe they grew bored of me and tossed me to the side. Perhaps this will be for good, though I highly doubt it.
we are all just playthings for those jailers. the majority being fully asleep and the nearly lucky ones. the trully lucky special chosen are allowed to leave here once the current flesh prison dies, though I'm not one of those special awarded ones. no idea why they do this, keeping us all in these flesh prisons on this prison world. I would assume it is for their entertainment. maybe they get some sort of energy off of us too. That i'm not sure about.
I hate existance, but nothing i can do about it. total nonexistance when this phyiscal body dies would be a blessing, but i bet that is not allowed, they'll not want ot loose one fo their toys, their playthings, those sinister beings.
---------------------
this world is hell. I wonder if I was created just to be in these flesh prisons forever, one after the other, created by the sinister jailers to be their playtoy forever. there is no hope in ever being free of this prison world or these flesh prisons, ever. I'll be in this horrible alien prison world forced into one flesh prison after the other and i bet forced to becoming partially awake so they can tease me.
as for kundalini fully rising leading to awakening, ascention, it's all a lie, mine is fully risen, has been for a month or 3, and I'm no more awake then before it started to rise, it's all a lie.
This is all hell. this world, these flesh prisons, it's all hell.
------------------------------
I should just give up since I am not one of the special ones. I'll be trapped and imprisoned on this alien world for millions of years if not forever. I'm no more enlightened then I was 10 or 20 years ago and have no abilities at all, not even to communicate or project anymore. May as well just exist since I'll be here for millions of years if not forever imprisoned on this alien world.
Not that anyone is reading this but me, but it is an outlet so why not use it as such.
-----------------------------------
Still no idea what to do. Still at ground zero. No ability to project nor communicate. So I'm totally alone. I'll redo the first part (of 6) of awakening the light body, and repeat the 1st part through the last day in march. No idea what else to do. I'm only doing this since it gives me something to do and passes the time. I won't part 2 since I've given up on spiritual and new age stuff. Awakening, ascension, whatever term you want to use is only for the few special folks and I'm not one of them. I've given up totally. I'll be trapped here till the sun engulfs the earth billions of years from now and likely by then i'll be forced into another prison as bad as here or worst. I'll be forced from one prison incarnation to the next forever, or however long souls exist. My only real hope is there is no life after death then when this life is over, poof, out like a light, but likely that is not true and I'll be forced from one prison into the next forever. All I can do is just exist till this body dies, then I'll be forced into the next prison, on and on, forever. what a <censored> existence but that is all it is for me.
-------------------------
Did the 3rd meditation of awakening the light body par 1 (of 6) like usual left me feeling very thirsty when it's over , no idea why. Overall it was an average to below average experience. Of the first 1 light body energy centers, felt like they didn't respond as much as before. Maybe an off day, maybe I've slipped backward instead of progressing forwards, maybe they can't hold anymore and I need to go a week or whatever not doing these, wither listening to the audio or not.
---------
the neighbors playing music where I can here it, for over the past hour, is annoying, but nothing I can do about that.
----------------
I was thinking before, and perhaps best to just try to get unemotional about being here, since I'll be here in this prison world forever, being shoved into one body prison to the next, never to leave this prison ever. Since there is no hope of reaching enlightenment, awakening, or whatever the term is, and no hope if ever being allowed out of this prison world since I'm not one of the special ones I should just be unemotional about being here. Since I'll be in this prison world forever. Shoved into one prison body to the next. Never to leave ever. it would make existing tolerable, being unemotional about it. cant enjoy being here. The world is just to icky feeling, to loud, to cold usually, at times to hot, way to light and bright, except at night, then the car headlights are way to bright, these prisons they call bodies that exist within this prison world feel like they weigh millions of pounds. breathing does feel like a lot of work, though it is automatic. Though my breathing isn' any harder then anyone else. I have to take ginko or I'll get lots of migraines. This body is intolerant to many many types of foods.
Those so called guides and such just toy with us here who are trapped and imprisoned inside these bodies inside this prison world, forever. Perhaps we only exist for their sinister amusement.
---------------------------------
Not sure how long, or if I can ever, get to where I am neutral about being here trapped in this prison body in this prison world. it may take days, weeks, years, or maybe I''ll never get to that point.
I will continue to do it since I'm imprisoned in this prison body, in this alien prison world, as horrible as this alien prison world is. I"ll be here forever, shoved from one prison body into the next, and once the sun engulfs this horrible alien prison world I'll be forced into another prison body in some other horrible alien prison world. I bet this has been going on since before the earth could support life. That world died and I was forced into a new horrible prison world, this one, once it could support life enough to be a new prison for me. No idea why those sinister beings do it, and toy with us for their own sinister fun. I'll likely never know. but if I can get unimotional about being in this horrible alien prison world in this horrible prison body. It may be easier to exist till this horrible prison body dies nd I'm shoved into the next one. and likely remove some of their sinister fun since I'll be unemotional about all of it. Though that means likely they'l end this body's life since in the next oen I'll be starting over again and likely won't remember to be unemotional about it.
If there is anything like enlightenment, ascension, awaking, or whatever it's called, its' for the very special few, which i am not. they toyed with me for decades, even with the chips,then when they started to tire of me removed the chips, toyed with me a bit then tossed me to the side. They'll likely pick up when they get new ideas of what sinister fun to have with me. Though hopefully by then I'll be unemotional about it and they'll leave me faster. They only let their special chosen leave this prison, and their special chosen are awarded and given ascension, awakening, ect, or they are like matt kahn, one of the sinister jailers having fun with us here. his smile was very snister and mawking. Me, I'll never be free. I accept that and have been working on being unemotional about it. about being trapped in this horrible prison alien body in this horrible alien prison world.
------------------------
and those lies. I bet I'm not even part orca, dragon, unicorn or dolphin. perhaps some other monstrosity instead. and Mirabelle has likely forgotten bout me by now, since she does have scores of lovers. fake twin flame sure does I'm sure since she's not really contacted me in a long time and doesn't' care about me at all. she was one of the fakers toying with me for her own amusement
------------------------------
I still dislike being here quite a bit. But I am closer to the being neutral to being here. Since this place is an eternal prison for me, and when it is no longer habital by these flesh prisons i'll be forced into others forever, I may as well get neutral to being in a flesh prison since I'll be in them in these flesh prisons and prison worlds, forever.
The only plus is those sinister beigns who pretended to be guides, my twin flame, mirabelle the unicorn mare, have no interest in me currently so maybe they grew bored of me and tossed me to the side. Perhaps this will be for good, though I highly doubt it.
we are all just playthings for those jailers. the majority being fully asleep and the nearly lucky ones. the trully lucky special chosen are allowed to leave here once the current flesh prison dies, though I'm not one of those special awarded ones. no idea why they do this, keeping us all in these flesh prisons on this prison world. I would assume it is for their entertainment. maybe they get some sort of energy off of us too. That i'm not sure about.
I hate existance, but nothing i can do about it. total nonexistance when this phyiscal body dies would be a blessing, but i bet that is not allowed, they'll not want ot loose one fo their toys, their playthings, those sinister beings.
---------------------
this world is hell. I wonder if I was created just to be in these flesh prisons forever, one after the other, created by the sinister jailers to be their playtoy forever. there is no hope in ever being free of this prison world or these flesh prisons, ever. I'll be in this horrible alien prison world forced into one flesh prison after the other and i bet forced to becoming partially awake so they can tease me.
as for kundalini fully rising leading to awakening, ascention, it's all a lie, mine is fully risen, has been for a month or 3, and I'm no more awake then before it started to rise, it's all a lie.
This is all hell. this world, these flesh prisons, it's all hell.
------------------------------
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