Tuesday [3-31]

I did ask a question as I lay down to take my nap, asking what exactly am I, an extension, aspect, something else?

After a short bit of time I felt like soul was sorta hugging me again, but this time I experienced an intense love/pleasure that went right through me to my core.  I foud I couldn't think that feeling was so intense. 

Soul talked a bit, saying it isn't developed enough to have any external aspects.  pausing to say to me something like, come on it's not that distracting.  Not that I could respond or even think since that love/pleasure was to intense for me to even think.  I could only experience it, hard to describe.

Soul then went on and said I wasn't an extension either.  What he was was the bit of the energy that could not all fit in the physical body.  When we were recreated do you think all of the energy could fit in the physical body?  I'm the part of the energy that could not fit into the physical body.  over time, who knows, more of me may be integrated into the physical body, maybe even all of it one day, though I somewhat think that may be to much for the physical body to contain, even taking time.  Though time will tell.

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As for the next opening to channel audio course.  part of it I can't do since I have no plant in this apartment anywhere.  I do have crystals so I may have to jump around to find the right spot past the plant part.  This is typed up before I fully listen to it.  I don't have high expectations of this audio.  No idea why they have it.  I'm not trying to learn to channel a plant or mineral guide. 

I did the mineral part.  Having no plants in the apartment makes the first part impossible.  I did feel a slight difference in the way my energy of my hands and forearms felt when they were interacting with the 2 crystals.  they were some amethyst (I think they are) a cluster of slightly purple crystals on some sort of rock, and a rose quartz.  I held first the amethyst in one hand for a while, then the rose quarts in the other, then both in different hands at the same time.  Each gave the energy around my hands and forearms a slightly different feel, hard to describe.  It was a slight change, but I could feel it, even though it as very very slight.

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The orin and daben awaken the light body uses the term sub personality. Which I think is what some call aspects.

Some aspects may in time decide to become souls themselves. And find they have aspects that may in time become souls themselves.

I think the term external aspect and separate soul can be confusing since really external aspects are souls. Just that they are aware of the link or connection, wearas I think a being who has gone independent has the same link but it's dormant. So they have to do more themselves, but don't have the influence of the soul the are part of coming in. Complicated and maybe should not mention it here.

Though I would assume a soul that has gone independent could make the link or connection active or open again.

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I redid the 1st meditation or part 2 of awakening the light body. Went well. Though my mind did wonder at times during the 2nd half, it only did so for a few seconds at most before I was able to bring it back to the guided meditation. It felt like during part of it I went medium or a bit past medium state. maybe briefly deep, not sure.

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Maybe forget I mentioned any of that.

I feel I am an extension so to speak.

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As I lay down to meditate my soul, or the other part of me, not sure what to call it.  Came again.  We did some kissing and hugging.  It was intense the first few seconds, but not as much, then it was toned down.   What he wanted me to feel was we are one, and it did work.  I could feel we are 1 being.  I'm the part in the body and he's the part who's not in the body.  For an instant it was almost as if I couldn't tell which one I was.  He seemed happy with the result and I think that went well.  Even if only for an instant, that is enough for a start.  And for several seconds, or longer, I could feel we were 1 being, just, as I said, I'm the bit of the single being in the physical body and he's the bit that is not.  If that makes any sense, it does to me.

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I did the 2nd mediation of part 2 and it went very well.  I could feel the running of the energy and the mumin.  Also I could feel the floating like sensation of me floating like I was floating on energy that was all around me.  As Daben said, the energy I had raised as well as the Ranthia (light body heart energy center)  generated.  I could feel the currents and it was an interesting experience.

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Forgot to mention I did Qi Gong for over 10 minutes today without noticing.  A good thing.  I read somewhere where some suggest doing it for say 30 minutes 5 times a week. I'm going to try to slowly up the time.  Say around mid April I will try to up it to around 15 minutes. My eventual goal being 30 minutes at a time.

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I did have several conversations with soul or higher self, whichever one it is.  We were doing some hugging and at times kissing and it was done over hours, with a few minutes here, a minute there. 

Basically what it was was was we can merge, I could go independent (which I don't want to do.  We can also merge and I could be recreated later, or maybe a better word would be re manifested later. not sure of the right term.  But the combined us could re manifest me or we could split.  Like if twin and I merged we could split. 

another idea I had a few hours later was if we could remain like this sorta.  not merged, but neither of us going separate.  Soul said <mmhmmm>.  Raising an eye brow ridge sorta, that was the mental impression I got. then he said we'd be in a relationship something like twin flames. 

I did say I could always change my mind and we could merge.  Then unmerge like twin flame mentioned, which soul agreed.  I could tell he liked the idea.  I rubbed his chest and in a kidding fashion said "you'd like it even if I said I want to merge permanently wouldn't you." to which soul said mmhmmm and we kissed.  

I guess I do have plenty of time to decide.  and with the path I'm on i'm sure I'll eventually be aware of being him, and we're already 1, that sort of thing.  I asked soul that since I feel kinda pulled in 2 directions.  I do feel an inner desire to merge with him, but I also like being like this.  I'd enjoy it far better if I were not in this physical body . 

I find I like the idea of not going separate, but I do feel pulled to both merge, but also remain not merged.  I think we can have it both ways, or I mean I can.  I think Soul said something like <if we do that we'd not be the first.>

My guess if is do that we'd likely merge and unmerge since after some point the urge to merge may grow but we'd decide to give in, with a sort of promise to unmerge at some point.  after all we'd have a special relationship.  And our caressing, kissing, hugging and likely sex would be fairly intense.   So we can have it both ways it seems.  taking turns being merged and unmerged. 

I did ask if i choose that, who's mate would be who's mate. For example is Mirabelle your mate or mine.  Soul said, <well in that case I'd consider all your mates to be mine and mine to be  yours, same with her (meaning twin flame) since we're all the same soul i would consider our mates all the same, shared so to speak,but we can ask them what they think." I'd guess the same goes for lovers, friends, ect. 

Interesting idea.  Though I do have plenty of time to think it over.  Not like I have to decide right now. 

I do wonder which one Great mother will want to talk to when this incarnation is over. Me, soul, or both of us? 

I guess what makes it possible is free will and intention.

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