Think I got some soul memories, not sure how accurate they are. I came here as a part of phase 1. To help do some of the clearing and to help anchor the energies to make it possible for the phase 2 folks to come in. Then phase 3 would come in after phase 2. Maybe starting 20 years, not sure. Part of the thing is due to bylaws as part of phase 1 I can't accumulate any karma and am not fully under the jurisdiction of the committee who oversee earth. I think I do feel maybe they were given earth to soon. maybe they needed some more experienced to oversee them instead of just being given earth and say, here.
I started littering the exit points starting at the age of 47 onwards, even more often after 52, and even more often after 58, since I didn't want to be here any longer than absolutely necessary, no lingering. I wanted to go in and get out asap and go back home. I do recall having a private thought as I looked over the earth of some thought like, "my, they really did make a mess of things, meaning not just the native earth humans but primarily the thought was of the committee overseeing and running the earth.
Not sure if any of this is accurate or what you think about it. Lugia, doubt you had the time to read my channeling last night. She did say she, and some others of the family/collective, would start doing something to help my memories and knowledge would have more order to it instead of randomly popping up, helping me to get a better idea and information of who and what I am. Not sure if any of that channeling last night was real with no distortion, or if any of what feathers said in that channeling before that is real of if feathers is real or not or a member of the family/collective. Or of the multiple exit points, and the knowledge that each one has to be check-listed and green-lit by the committee, if they don't check it all off or mess something, I have to wait for the next exit point.
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I feel that none of me wants to be here at all, none whatsoever.
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I awoke from my nap feeling the same way, and after the guided meditation I feel the same still, but also exhausted, mentally, too.
I did the 5th guided meditation today that is part of the Radiance: self exciting building the light body. running the energies was ok, the ones that Daben ran and what I could fee. The Ranthia I couldn't feel really, maybe the energy it was running is to find for me to feel.
Most of the meditation was about feeling the Fullonia cocoon, holding the entire volume in the mind. I found that exhausting when I could do it, only short periods of time. I'm not sure if I held the correct size of it, 30 feet all around me. and when I could hold the whole volume it was only just barely and only for very short periods of time. maybe I'm just not good enough to do this yet. I could feel the energy of the Fullonia, feels like finer energy then before, but wow that was exhausting, especially mentally, trying to hold the entire volume in my mind. and as I said not sure if I got the correct size of 30' in all directions around me.
overall an exhausting meh meditation I would rate it.
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I did the 5th meditation for the 2nd time today and I still could only hold the entire volume in my mind for very short periods of time. More easily I could hold pieces of sections of the Fullonia Cocoon in my mind and awareness. Very hard to hold the entire thing. I was also hit with vertigo twice. Forgot to say, the first time I did the meditation earlier today I was hit with it once. No idea why it happened before and twice now. this meditation also gave me a headache.
This time also I could feel the different frequencies, or at least different energies coming from My Fullonia, no idea what it means. Several types are energies I can't describe how they feel. 1 type is a constant energy, another feels like it's small bubbles or a current like in a river, hard to describe. the 3rd is a more constant heat, but not the intense heat I felt a few days ago from the Renawre cocoon energy.
all in all not sure how to classify this meditation. Still have the headache, and some of an odd feeling in my head, hard to describe. and en even stronger feeling this universe is a solid hologram type thing, run by something like a computer, but not a computer, hard to describe it. and part of me is outside it, part of me is inside this hologram with something like straps, bolts, something keeping me emprisoned here, hard to describe the feeling. I have had the feeling recently, it grows sronger or weaker in waves. I first had it when I was 12 and feel on my head from maybe 12 feet, not sure of the distance, also that same year I slipped and hit my head on concrete. and around the same time, during PE class when it was time for baseball the first few times I'd go out since so many loved to pick on me I'd always get hit in the head, often the forehead, by a baseball. eventually I refused to go out and stayed where the batters were, regardless of the team. The coach tried to get me to go out and he didn't care I was hit in the head with the ball every time went out. he eventually shut up when i said, with all seriousness, ok, but the only way is if I'm hit in the head with a baseball I get to hit you in the head with a baseball with the same exact force used when it hit me in the head. Not that I'm mad or anything, just saying it here since all that happened around the same time, more or less within a year or 2, of that odd feeling I have now again. No idea what it is just like I have no idea what that incident was a few weeks back. Guess I have to wait till whenever this incarnation ends whether it's today or a hundred years from now, then I can ask about the incidents, if I recall, and unless I just know.
I do hope this is my last incarnation since I feel bored to death and with no interest whatsoever in incarnating. It feels dead boring to me. Like I'm getting close to 50 now, & have to do something I did back in 1st grade again and again and again. Boring, feels like I've moved past that and don't want to do it. I just want to go home and remain there, visiting some places but never incarnating again. and if you do have to incarnate if you want to visit anyplace, then I'd stay in the collective forever, never leaving.
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Was thinking about karma and such. Still think it's a pretty stupid system. as well as forgetting everything when you come here. if you make a mistake or multiple mistakes it doesn't count if you make up with the person or people it effected on the other side, you have to do it on this side, and you can't remember any of that. Not remembering anything, starting with a blank slate and past lives effecting this life. I see it as all incredibly stupid, a very stupid system.
Now if 2 folks want to try and do things again since they made a mistake they should have the freedom to do so. also if they want to remember their past lives they should have that freedom as well as if they want to have nothing carry over, they should have that freedom also.
A pretty stupid system overall, and look at how much of a mess the earth got into under that system. and some of us, or some beings anyway did tell them what would happen and they didn't believe it, and it did come to pass. I do believe the beings who govern the earth were given a planet to govern to soon. Just in my personal opinion. It feels like I had this opinion even before coming here.
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I also feel that if there are rules in other places where you have to incarnate to visit. You can't just visit as a non incarnate and shape your soul or whatever so you can interact with the inhabitants, if that is the case I can see why many once they get into a collective family at a high dimension, just remain there and never leave. Though I do seem to recall there are at least a few places that you can visit as a non incarnate and don't HAVE to incarnate there. in fact I feel there are some places set aside for non incarnates to play in. You can look however you want an interact as if it were solid like earth. Hard to explain. Like that pseudo 50's style place I've posted to a few times.
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May watch that drumming video, or a piece of it again tonight. A good pace is if the guy has several lessons or practice things to do. I'll watch where he explains 1, then come back to it a few days later. it may take 6 months or longer to finish his drumming without drums for beginners, but not likely my incarnation will be ending anytime soon. Even though none of my conscious self wants to be here. all of me that I'm aware of wants to be elsewhere, every single bit that I'm aware of. but I have to wait for some committee to approve my exit point and give their permission to do so and until then I'm imprisoned here. I'm not really needed here anymore since phase 2 folks are in their own and coming into their own so they are doing their phase 2, and beginning to do that. the phase 3 folks are already born or some soon going to do so, so no need for me to be here. I do have a memory that starting at my present age I started having exit points put down, as I wrote about before, after 52 more often, after I think 54 or 56 even more often, after 58 even more often. Since I didn't want to be here more then I had to be and if I littered my timeline with lots of exit points, at least a few of them would be approved since I do recall knowing the way the committee runs things here I'd have to put in a LOT of them LOTS AND LOTS, to reduce the time I'm here, or having a good chance of it being reduced so I don't wind up being here over 100 years. I also remember not thinking much of the committee at all. But no memory of who or what the committee is. I may channel about that, though it won't do any good my knowing about them. I mean I'd still be here. They may mean will, but how could they allow earth to get into this much of a mess before they asked for help.
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Was just re reading 2 pages from the manual for the current light body course I'm taking. In it Daben does mention offhand something in a way that seems to indicate that the soul, personality, and light body are not the same being.
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